parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 1.0;

[Well that shuts Dirk up, although not for the reason Dave thinks. Dirk goes quiet and has another spoonful of soup.]

We'll talk about it after we eat. I'm now beginning to wonder if I should be asking you what 'lunch' constituted today.

[Did you eat a Single Almond or something, Dave?? He wouldn't be surprised.]

You have literally no faith in me. [ dave complains, like he ate more than an apple ] I'm not makin' a fuss about eatin' soup because you'd dig your heels in and fuss about it until I did, ok?

[ but sure they can eat in silence I guess!!!! ]

Hm.

[Another spoon. Because they're not eating in silence. Which means.]

So what was lunch?

Sandwich and apple slices. Also aj.

[ that was lunch on, oh, tuesday of last week. ]

Eat your food, dude.

[There's a frown like Dirk isn't really buying it, but he's also getting Dave to eat his damn soup so he isn't going to push it.]

Eat my food? Shit, how do I do that? [Some way other than putting the soup-filled spoon in his mouth and swallowing, like he's been doing the entire time? Dave is full of so much shit.]

Clearly by tryin' to talk to me the entire time.

[ there's the start of a smile, though, so it's not angry sarcasm so much as. dirk stop trying to converse while they eat if you won't converse about the main topic! ]

If we get started talkin' even about the not main thing we'll have to pause to go heat up our soup again you know this. Skyeel soup isn't exactly best when served cold.

And here I am tryin' t'have a nice family dinner.

[He goes hard on the accent for it, but he does at least take several spoonfuls of soup after. Maybe Dave wins.]

[ maybe dave wins, but dirk does at least win a smile? the way his accent is getting Worse from interaction with dave is sort of hilarious, even if dave isn't sure if it's on purpose or accident.

anyway his own goal is eat as fast as possible and since he never really savors his food so much as eats it as fast as possible like he's not sure he'll have the time to savor it, this is pretty easily accomplished. ]

[Dirk tries to insist on pacing food during family dinners. It's better for digestion, and none of them are living in resource-scarce situations anymore, and he wants to spend time with everyone so slow down you nerds? But Dave has a point about soup, and anyway, Dirk is always bad and telling him no. So he finishes his soup at pace with Dave's. He wants Dave to eat slowly but if Dave won't so be it? He will certainly not eat faster and encourage Dave to go even quicker than he normally does.

Dirk is no longer too sick to overthink the best way to be a good brother while eating soup.]

[ honestly the only way dave has managed to get away with being sick while not letting people know he's sick so far is because dirk was sick, too. and karkat is easily distracted. dave is way too good at ticking his boyfriend off so karkat storms off???

he sets his bowl aside and leans against the magister's tank as he waits for dirk to finish at his own pace, though he's not entirely relaxed because he's been wary of being touched like. all week. ]

Sure can't wait for whatever ominous purpose we're here for, gosh.

[Dirk puts his bowl down shortly after Dave, and he looks up. He reads all the lines in Dave's body and he thinks that that lack of being relaxed has to be Dirk's fault. He shouldn't have been vague about it. He should have told him sooner.

No, no he shouldn't have. Karkat was right. In some ways he shouldn't tell Dave at all.

He tugs his shades off pre-emptively. It's going to be one of those conversations, he knows it. Behind those shades are some brutally baggy circles from the illness, and another kind of exhaustion that blends in neatly. His arms fall relaxed across his legs where his bowl was, but there's less chill in it than it is a calm resignation.]

I found Lil Cal in the storm waters. He's mine, I'm pretty sure. I'm keeping him in Jake's room for the moment.

We can fly to Mount Doom to burn him whenever you feel the storm's ready. Or we can kill him here. I'll go with whichever makes you feel most comfortable.

[ oh no. shades off. dave doesn't want to take his shades off, his eyes are probably bloodshot and gross and -

and then dirk says lil cal and dave doesn't even need to make a move to go for his shades because he simply freezes. a dream manifestation of lil cal is one thing (a terrible thing) but the real thing ("he's mine, i'm pretty sure" but what if dirk was wrong?) is another story entirely. it wasn't like he dealt with the dream manifestation that well to begin with.

dirk keeps talking but the static in dave's mind makes it hard to register for a few minutes.

even when it does register he's still silent as the grave for a few beats because. that's clearly not an offer dirk just made? ]

I'm not gonna make you do that. [ can't actually believe dirk wants to do it because he's resigned, and dave can't stand how worn down he looks and jesus shit why did the storm have to bring that. his voice doesn't shake but it feels numb and he has to lick his lips before he starts ]

[Well. At least they ate their soup first. That was definitely the right call. Dirk shuffles his legs under him so he can sit cross-legged, so his hands fold neatly in his lap and he can look at Dave straight on. Dave is all anxious nerves but Dirk is acceptance, like all the worry washed over him and now he breathes it fine.]

I know you won't. [Karkat broke down the scenarios pretty well, in Dirk's opinion, and it isn't hard to go over them again.] You'd feel unsettled and second-rate if I kept him. You'd feel guilty if I got rid of him. The best case scenario would be hiding him from you and throwing him in the volcano when you're not looking so you'd never need to know, but I've more or less wasted my one 'Get Out of Hiding Shit Free' card.

It's why I'm not asking you whether or not you'd be okay with me keeping him. At least this way you know that some splinter of me loves you more than a stupid puppet.

[Dirk loves Cal. Dirk loves Dave more. What's life or limb if he can give Dave a little peace of mind?]

I want to do this.

[Like making sacrifices at the altar of some God he never lived up to. At least he can prove his devotion. At least he can prove his love.]

[ karkat had perfectly broken down what might happen. he even accounted for dave being presented with this being a thing and absconding, which dave is legitimately considering doing, but he can't because they're talking and dirk is saying things dave can never quite believe he means. because he's not more important than the puppet? he knows that? ]

You don't wanna do it, you just think you have to. [ though the reason this scares him (beyond the fact he doesn't buy it) is: ] And when you do it, you'll end up regrettin' it and resentin' me?

No.

[The movements aren't as quick as usual. Even so, he pushes himself to his feet. Even so, he moves over to sit beside his brother.]

There is nothing I could do for your sake that I'd regret except something that would hurt you, Dave.

There is nothing anyone could do that could make me resent you or love you any less.

[ dave tenses. if dirk reaches out for him he's going to have to flashstep back before his brother can touch him because...of his fever...but also because he's pretty sure he'll break if he gets hugged right now.

he keeps saying he believes dirk when dirk tells him he loves dave, but despite himself he always assumes he's never first-place because he's so rarely first place. karkat might put him first (karkat's worse at self-esteem than dave sometimes) but it's not the norm? ]

But this will hurt you. [ i'm supposed to bleed for other people, not the other way around. dirk already knows dave sort of you know tried to loop back to the door that once, accepting that fate. ]

[Dirk is silent. He studies Dave. He's tense. He doesn't want to be touched? Or does he need to be touched. He feels his own muscles start to lock up, some of that anxiety he had drowned under giving him enough air to feel like he's dying. But he can't do that. He needs to be the calm one. He needs to be okay.

He makes his muscles relax, one by one. His voice, when he speaks, is calm.]

Yeah. But I don't mind. Cal was only my guardian and my friend because I didn't have anyone else in real life. When I compare that to the past few months we've had here...

I don't need him anymore. I don't need him even half as much as I need you.

[It's okay. He's telling Dave that. He's telling himself that. It's just a little blood. It's just a little pain. It's okay. It's just a loss he's already gone through. He doesn't mind cutting off a little flesh and bone if it's for love's sake.]

Edited 2016-08-11 06:18 (UTC)

How am I supposed to let you do that?

[ is this an impasse or not because while having cal around would fuck dave up (while he'd stay away from the base a little longer, be a little more on edge) he can't willingly agree to something he's pretty sure might fuck dirk up, too. its that cyclical problem they have where they're not the top priority and wow that doesn't help in situations like these.

and if he lets dirk do something clearly painful, what kind of person is he? they already destroyed dirk's sword. burning splinter after splinter isn't a thing he should let his brother get used to, is it? ]

Don't make me drop a 'let me love you.'

[Monotone irony, but he wants Dave to understand. He wants Dave to know it's okay. So he reaches out, tries to take Dave's hand.]

I'm pretty sure my loving you is supposed to mean I don't let you do things you shouldn't have to that hurt.

[ for his sole benefit? dave tries not to make it obvious but he's on automatic from trying not to get touched all week and draws his hand back, hooks it together with his other one over his knees. ]

This is so fucked up.

[It's impossible not to see that draw back. Dirk's hand stops in mid air. His fingers close over nothing.

He draws back and looks at the ground.]

Sorry.

[He fucked up, again.]

[ - no this one was all on dave. his gaze had been on his feet but his eyes snap to dirk's face at the word "sorry", to the hovering hand drawn back. ]

- no. [ he doesn't debate it, just mentally saying goodbye to over a week's worth of effort, reaching out to hook his slightly too-warm fingers around dirk's wrist to drag his brother's hand to his forehead, grimacing.

his fingers are too warm, but his forehead's hot and dave should probably not be swimming around willy-nilly but.

copping to not copping to something is better than letting dirk think it was about him rather than continuing a pointless charade. ]

[Oh that's Dave's hand, it's oddly warm, why is he that son of a bitch.

Dirk looks at Dave from point blank range with no shades masking his feelings on the subject. Stoic or not.]

Dave. That is a completely stupid thing to hide.

You're going to bed. Now. We'll watch a movie and you'll sit still like you haven't been.

We haven't finished this conversation yet.

[ not that dave wants to but it's not like he's going to relax with lil cal around there anyway tbh

also

fuck you it's a great thing to hide because it's not like a fever or whatever is really that big a deal, right? ]

And I'm not that sick, I can still function, it's no big deal? Just. Wasn't drawin' back for the reason you thought I was.

You need rest. Fuck. [He shouldn't have even brought this up, he should've just burned it, Karkat was right, Dave doesn't need this when he's sick. Dirk's hauling Dave up and it's clear he's going for the air mattresses because he wants Dave to lie down and rest.]

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