parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 1.0;

[ karkat had perfectly broken down what might happen. he even accounted for dave being presented with this being a thing and absconding, which dave is legitimately considering doing, but he can't because they're talking and dirk is saying things dave can never quite believe he means. because he's not more important than the puppet? he knows that? ]

You don't wanna do it, you just think you have to. [ though the reason this scares him (beyond the fact he doesn't buy it) is: ] And when you do it, you'll end up regrettin' it and resentin' me?

No.

[The movements aren't as quick as usual. Even so, he pushes himself to his feet. Even so, he moves over to sit beside his brother.]

There is nothing I could do for your sake that I'd regret except something that would hurt you, Dave.

There is nothing anyone could do that could make me resent you or love you any less.

[ dave tenses. if dirk reaches out for him he's going to have to flashstep back before his brother can touch him because...of his fever...but also because he's pretty sure he'll break if he gets hugged right now.

he keeps saying he believes dirk when dirk tells him he loves dave, but despite himself he always assumes he's never first-place because he's so rarely first place. karkat might put him first (karkat's worse at self-esteem than dave sometimes) but it's not the norm? ]

But this will hurt you. [ i'm supposed to bleed for other people, not the other way around. dirk already knows dave sort of you know tried to loop back to the door that once, accepting that fate. ]

[Dirk is silent. He studies Dave. He's tense. He doesn't want to be touched? Or does he need to be touched. He feels his own muscles start to lock up, some of that anxiety he had drowned under giving him enough air to feel like he's dying. But he can't do that. He needs to be the calm one. He needs to be okay.

He makes his muscles relax, one by one. His voice, when he speaks, is calm.]

Yeah. But I don't mind. Cal was only my guardian and my friend because I didn't have anyone else in real life. When I compare that to the past few months we've had here...

I don't need him anymore. I don't need him even half as much as I need you.

[It's okay. He's telling Dave that. He's telling himself that. It's just a little blood. It's just a little pain. It's okay. It's just a loss he's already gone through. He doesn't mind cutting off a little flesh and bone if it's for love's sake.]

Edited 2016-08-11 06:18 (UTC)

How am I supposed to let you do that?

[ is this an impasse or not because while having cal around would fuck dave up (while he'd stay away from the base a little longer, be a little more on edge) he can't willingly agree to something he's pretty sure might fuck dirk up, too. its that cyclical problem they have where they're not the top priority and wow that doesn't help in situations like these.

and if he lets dirk do something clearly painful, what kind of person is he? they already destroyed dirk's sword. burning splinter after splinter isn't a thing he should let his brother get used to, is it? ]

Don't make me drop a 'let me love you.'

[Monotone irony, but he wants Dave to understand. He wants Dave to know it's okay. So he reaches out, tries to take Dave's hand.]

I'm pretty sure my loving you is supposed to mean I don't let you do things you shouldn't have to that hurt.

[ for his sole benefit? dave tries not to make it obvious but he's on automatic from trying not to get touched all week and draws his hand back, hooks it together with his other one over his knees. ]

This is so fucked up.

[It's impossible not to see that draw back. Dirk's hand stops in mid air. His fingers close over nothing.

He draws back and looks at the ground.]

Sorry.

[He fucked up, again.]

[ - no this one was all on dave. his gaze had been on his feet but his eyes snap to dirk's face at the word "sorry", to the hovering hand drawn back. ]

- no. [ he doesn't debate it, just mentally saying goodbye to over a week's worth of effort, reaching out to hook his slightly too-warm fingers around dirk's wrist to drag his brother's hand to his forehead, grimacing.

his fingers are too warm, but his forehead's hot and dave should probably not be swimming around willy-nilly but.

copping to not copping to something is better than letting dirk think it was about him rather than continuing a pointless charade. ]

[Oh that's Dave's hand, it's oddly warm, why is he that son of a bitch.

Dirk looks at Dave from point blank range with no shades masking his feelings on the subject. Stoic or not.]

Dave. That is a completely stupid thing to hide.

You're going to bed. Now. We'll watch a movie and you'll sit still like you haven't been.

We haven't finished this conversation yet.

[ not that dave wants to but it's not like he's going to relax with lil cal around there anyway tbh

also

fuck you it's a great thing to hide because it's not like a fever or whatever is really that big a deal, right? ]

And I'm not that sick, I can still function, it's no big deal? Just. Wasn't drawin' back for the reason you thought I was.

You need rest. Fuck. [He shouldn't have even brought this up, he should've just burned it, Karkat was right, Dave doesn't need this when he's sick. Dirk's hauling Dave up and it's clear he's going for the air mattresses because he wants Dave to lie down and rest.]

Oh my god this is why I wasn't tellin' anyone, no, we need to talk about your dumbass puppet plan first?

[ dave casually digs his heels in and refuses to budge

this is going about as well as their conversations typically do when they're heart to hearts ]

M'fine, I've been way sicker and I worked through those, too.

You going through worse doesn't make bad okay.

[Don't dig your heels in you dick? Dirk lets go but only so he can drag the air mattresses out and set them down. Look at them there. Filled with air. Mattress shaped. With blankets and pillows now being thrown on top.]

Don't set a shitty example for your son.

[Magister is right there and he is seeing this. Teach Magister to rest when he's sick.]

[ it's a good thing he kept his shades on because his eyes flick towards the door to jake's room; that at least can't be seen, though the way he crosses his arms and tenses up again kind of can be. ]

Dude. I'll rest in a few, track down Karkat wherever the hell he's camping out and let him yell at me a bit. Okay?

[ since he knows karkat tries to be as far away from them as possible like

a complete moron ]

[Dirk stops. He looks up from what he was doing. Something heavy sinks down from his throat.]

Okay.

[Dirk was right: Dave can't rest. Not now that he knows Cal is here. The decision is so simple it's laughable.

Convincing Dave isn't as easy as that.]

So anyway my point was I don't want you doing a thing you don't wanna really do just because of me?

[ he's pretty sure he can rest across the base wherever karkat is (it's easy to fall asleep listening to karkat's shouting, even though that should not at all be the case) but it's true he's uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping adjacent to lil cal's room, admittedly. but. obviously that isn't a good enough reason to burn the puppet that he seriously wishes would just rocket off into space again?

karkat 100% absolutely predicted how troublesome dave was going to be in any scenario about this save the one where he never had a chance to be a headache. ]

[Dirk stands there, loose-limbed, an image of relaxation. Not the real thing. He stands there and he looks at his brother.]

Given that your attempt at hiding your illness is over and we're both sick from the same thing, there shouldn't be a problem with you coming over here for a hug now.

[He doesn't have a way to convince Dave. He almost never does. But if they're going to go forward, he needs that.]

I managed it for like over a week, don't I get some credit?

[ dirk sidestepped the issue of their current disagreement but dave lets it go after a second with that grousing comment, at least caving enough to go over for the hug dirk requested. ]

You managed it because I was hallucinating half the time.

[There's no credit when Dirk assumed Dave was keeping distance for the sake of his own health. He wraps his arms around Dave in a way that has become stupidly familiar, and he settles into the hug.

Dave is warm, probably too much, but Dirk still appreciates it. Cal could only borrow heat. The sun, the laundry machine, overheated hardware and he almost caught fire that time but even singed and smoking Cal never felt right, never felt warm the way Dirk wanted. Dave breathes against him, the steady rise and fall and that was something else Cal could never manage. Dirk sat beside Roxy's sleeping form, listening to her lungs, wondering if there was some way he could reproduce that sound, that feeling that made it seem so easy to sleep. But he never worked it out.

Dave gets hurt. Cal is a floppy false man. It's such an easy choice that he doesn't even have to think about it. He knew his decision before Cal ever appeared.]

This is how I know I'll do just fine without him.

Because I hide fevers from you?

[ dirk lost dave in the transition there although it's not like dave can judge - or like he really cares. conversations with dave can go all over the place at the whims of other people because he'll follow along, or they can go all over the place because he can't stick to a script to save his damn life.

he drops his chin onto dirk's shoulder, figuring he missed the conversational jump. no, not the fevers - dirk's probably talking about their hugs, but dave still doesn't follow. ]

He's your computer password, isn't he?

It's the most obvious possible password for a computer no one but me could ever touch.

[So it was ironic. A dumb joke for a system that was a maze of files and encryptions, where all the walls he ever put up were just for Roxy's amusement. There was no point to any of that at the end of the world.]

I don't want to weigh you down with this or anything so I'm just going to ask you to confirm something for me. I'll know I can go through with it as long as your answer is yes.

Just tell me that you'll hug me once we get rid of him.

It'd be the same password even if that weren't the case.

[ it was bro's password, and dave had typed it in too many times to count.

even if he doesn't know the right answer to stopping dirk or asking him to do what he's offering to do, dave does know the answer to the question being posed now. ]

Dude. I'll give you a hug whenever. You know this. Regardless of puppets?

[He breathes in. It isn't quite steady. He closes his eyes. His fingers grip just short of causing pain.]

You won't ever fully be comfortable if I keep Cal, no matter where I put him. It will hurt a little when I lose him, but I've already lost him once and whatever pain I experience from it will be soothed knowing that you can have some peace of mind.

I seriously care about you more than any dumb puppet. Okay?

...I know.

[ but there's a hesitation born of sixteen years not knowing that before he replies, because no, dave doesn't know that, because it's simply never been remotely true. it's fine to believe dirk will prioritize him over smuppets. cal is another matter entirely. ]

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