personal overflow post;

[parodeity]

Comments

[frostythehitman]

I kill vampires, not be them.

[parodeity]

you do what now

[frostythehitman]

Well if you believe the dumb Retrospec memories, then yeah, I've killed at least a few vampires in my time.

[parodeity]

like
with stakes?

[frostythehitman]

One of them, yeah.

Then my partner chopped his head off with his shield.

[parodeity]

sharp shield or strong partner

[frostythehitman]

Both, probably.

[parodeity]

so do you believe in all this yet or are you still on team denial
out of curiosity

[frostythehitman]

Well I believe in some of it, at least. Kind of hard to deny there's something real about it when you're remembering stuff straight out of your history textbook.

I don't know how much I believe some of the other bits, though.

[parodeity]

which other bits are giving you trouble in particular

[frostythehitman]

[ ??? why is he ASKING ]

The parts that can't be found in a history textbook. So, the vampires, the spandex outfits, the human fireballs, and the two people on my team who only wore speedos.

[parodeity]

ok the last one is literally the most tragic memory ever
why did they only wear speedos who does that
was that while they were vampire hunting???
i feel thats probably ill advised vampire hunting fashion

[frostythehitman]

No, the vampire hunting was just me and Captain America. He was basically dressed in a spandex version of the American flag, but at least he was fully covered.

But the others were fighting in full speedo outside in the middle of a Russian winter at least once.
Depending on how you look at it, that might be even worse.

[parodeity]

how the fuck did they not get frostbite in very unfortunate places

[frostythehitman]

One of them was also one of the human fireballs. He could probably stay warm in any sort of climate regardless of what he's wearing.

The other guy, though, I don't know. He's just some weird speedo-wearing elf jerk. Maybe elves are immune to frostbite.

[parodeity]

maybe if theyre like ice elves?

[frostythehitman]

Sure, why not. We killed vampires while wearing spandex outfits,
two people who could fly around on fire, and an ice elf. Makes about as much sense as anything else.

[parodeity]

maybe youre part ice elf

[frostythehitman]

If I was part ice elf, I think they'd have dressed me a little more nakedly.

[parodeity]

did they dress you not in a speedo then

[frostythehitman]

Well it's stretchy and they have short shorts, but at least my uniform fully covered me.

[parodeity]

why do heroes always like spandex anyway

[frostythehitman]

You'd have to ask whoever ran the army in whatever world it is I'm remembering, they're the ones who designed our uniforms for us.

[parodeity]

i worry about your worlds military
anyway
i guess i should let you go for now weve been talking about military speedos for a while now

[frostythehitman]

Ugh trust me, my whole life for the past month has been talking about military speedos.

But sure, I can spare you that fate. For now, anyway.