parodeity | recollé ic inbox 5.0;

I mean. I always want to if it's important to you, dude. That's kind of how that works. [But he just gives him a slight grin before shifting to kiss his forehead instead.] But okay. Above the shoulders is fine until you change your mind. I'm okay with that.

[He. Has zero idea the real thought process here. But whatever. Dave wants it, Dave can have it.]

No. [ johns smiles always get something reflexive at the corner of his mouth but dave pushes john off anyway, or tries to. ] It's not like that. But thanks. You're kind of a dumbass but at least you're sweet.

What the fuck. [It's good-natured though and he rolls onto his back next to him anyway.] Then what's it like?

You never have a plan. [ mildly. ] So I have to keep track of it.

Am I supposed to have a plan for when we make out? [That's kind of funny to think about, but that's all he can think of.]

Nah. I can handle it. [ he just flaps a hand at john. ] You're not the kind of person who thinks it through and I don't expect you to be. If you tried you'd very likely get tangled up.

[There's a questioning sort of hum as he considers, staring at the ceiling instead of at Dave for the moment.]

What's this really about?

Exactly what I said? [ not coherently. ]

What is it that I'm supposed to be thinking through? [This time he actually sounds a little confused and maybe slightly annoyed because he feels stupid and that's never fun.]

[ jfc ] Egbert, I was gettin' turned on. Please desist from doing things that cause that until you've actually thought the damn thing through.

...that was kind of what I was going for, dumbass. [And now he's just insulted for the absolute wrong reasons, but alas.]

Well, congrats. [ muttered. ] Still ain't convinced you thought it through. And I'm not gonna do that to you. Or me.

[...] I still have no idea what you're talking about but fine. I got it. Nothing below the shoulders. It's fine. [As far as he's concerned he thought it through plenty but he's definitely missing some foresight here.]

John. What did you plan to do after accomplishing that? [ sometimes he wants to throttle john a little because he's pretty sure john didn't think beyond "cool i want to make dave react more" at most. but maybe he's wrong about that. ]

What? [He's startled by the question.] ...I don't know, I didn't--[...]

Oh. ...I would have figured it out, I figured that was a thing we would kind of decide together. [...but okay, yeah, he kind of gets the problem.]

Maybe when we're not in the middle of it. [ dave's voice is soft and less annoyed again. ] Like I said: I won't do that to either of us. Don't make decisions like that on the fly, babe. They're the kinds of things you can't take back if you change your mind after they're done.

[He's very quiet then because he's thinking it over. Dave had asked him questions and then didn't do anything, and now they're having this conversation and he can't even genuinely come up with an answer of what he'd do if he actually got Dave hot and willing.

So that's a thing.

...that's...a thing.]

...you think I'm going to freak out because I haven't hooked up with a guy before. [It's not even accusatory. It's just...contemplative, maybe.]

I don't know if you will or won't. I do think you didn't really consider where you were going with what you were doing, and I didn't really think about it until it started to kick in either. And I think that I don't want to do things with you that either of us might regret or not be completely okay with. Why the fuck do you think I always ask before we do anything new?

[ beyond nerves and uncertainty. ]

I love you too much to take you lightly. Understand?

[Silence. It makes sense, yeah. Of course it makes sense and he doesn't move beyond letting his hand crawl over the mattress searching for Dave's to hold. He still doesn't say anything, but there's that.]

...I didn't really know what I was doing with Vic either and we kept going anyway. It was just how things were. [There's a point.] She had more experience than I did at the time so I kind of just followed her lead on stuff and that's why I slept with her after we were dating for, like, eight months. And obviously we did other stuff before that and I just figured nobody knew what they were doing, this was just how things were.

…I don't regret it because it doesn't matter anymore and it's a part of my old life in this lifetime. But I do get what you're saying. I just…I love you. A lot. And I'm not sure how to express it all the time, but I do and so sometimes I think doing stuff like that is the answer.

[He makes a face.] Am I the only one who sees the irony in maybe not being totally ready for physically doing stuff despite the fact we have a fucking house and share a bed? [But he chews his lip.] …as far as I am aware, I like you, I think you are really attractive, and I think about you in that context even if I don't tell you that. So…take that as you will. It doesn't change what I said about staying forever.

[ he lets john take his hand, anyway. ]

It doesn't really matter if you're never ready. I didn't exactly expect you to ever be and that isn't why I stay with you. And maybe I won't be either. [ he's smart enough not to mention where his issues there come from. bro, yeah, but john isn't wrong to think it's being completely unconvinced john wont flip out at the last second or that it just won't be enough.

dave's own issues, in the long run, and not john's responsibility. ]

So why don't we not worry about it until and unless you actually want to do anything. There ain't any lead that needs following. I already have what I want. Stuff like that ain't an answer to a question or anything that needs doin'.

[He'll just lace his fingers through Dave's.] Then we just figure it out as we go. And that's fine with me. I just don't want you thinking I'm not interested or that it's anything about you or anything. That's not the thing here. I am very much interested.

[There's a huff then.] Then what should we be worrying about?

You don't need to be interested in me in every way, John. I do know you love me. And I dunno, I guess we don't have to worry at all maybe?

[He shifts enough to kiss at Dave's knuckles anyway because shut the fuck up, Strider.]

So...let's just take the day off. I'll make you breakfast, and we can do whatever. I love you, I think you're hot as fuck, and you can put a shirt back on if you're uncomfortable but I kind of like you like this.

I love you too. [ but he will go grab his shirt again, yeah, pulling away from john to go collect it. ]

[He suppresses a sigh and lays on his back, still staring at the ceiling and not bothering to get his shirt.]

What time is it anyway?

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