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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

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[windeity]

[He doesn't say anything but he waits for Dave to get in the car while he thinks that over.

"But how many things do you have to have 'good explanations' for from back then?"

Is it justification for past behavior, or is it just explaining things in a way he doesn't know how to explain? Even now he doesn't know what part he should be explaining and he's wondering if saying something like that negated their earlier conversation.

It's not a thing he wants either, given. They've made progress and they're wasting time and he's aware that there's really only one explanation at this point so maybe it's irrelevant.

So like. Instead of bothering with the radio he just eyes Dave's hands before he's ever-so-casually flipping the parking break up so the car can't move and twisting in his seat to kiss him instead. So okay. Still no explanation, but sure.]

[parodeity]

[ john, what the fuck. there's a question on the tip of his tongue when john flips the parking brake and dave turns to ask it, almost frowning, but like.

okay.

he's eighteen and in his first year of college and it's not so terribly far off from high school that it feels weird to be parked in front of his parents' house kissing his boyfriend. because after the split second of disorientation dave kisses john back, right hand sliding off the steering wheel and bracing instead against john's shoulder. ]

[windeity]

[Cool. Now what, idiot? He hadn't really planned too far ahead and he tilts his head enough to kiss him anyway. It's far easier to do this than to try and explain his way through things and yeah, maybe this is inappropriate to be doing in front of Dave's parents' house but whateverrrr. Whatever! The whole thing is a big ball of whatever and as such he really just kind of wants to settle in Dave's lap again and call it good but logistics are hard.

So instead, he's breathing through his nose and refuses to pull his mouth off of Dave's, biting Dave's lip anyway while leaning forward and strongly debating moving anyway. Stopping should maybe be a thing but nah.]

[parodeity]

[ john this is so completely a stop gap and explaining might have worked out better in the long run but okay? dave's like, in no way protesting this. it's an awkward angle and dave gasps out a quiet huff of air when john bite his lip, lips parting, and lets his hand slide up into john's hair.

maybe it doesn't answer anything, but this is real. john's real. and dave's willing to take whatever john is willing to give him.

if a crush feels like squeezing into last year's dress, being in love feels something like the weight of the world pressing down on your shoulders while your stomach feels like it might float away on butterflies. conflict that's hard to resolve, a giddy bittersweet acceptance that you have zero control and it's a house of cards someone else is building with you.

a heart so full it's fit to burst, a sharp pain as it waits to do so. ]

[windeity]

[Why explain when you can just make out and hope your point gets across? This is what happens when you're 18 and you're in love and you have no way of really expressing what you're trying to say so actions are the thing you revert to, and he's aware his back's twisted and they should maybe do this somewhere else but with Dave's hand in his hair it's hard to think about that. It's hard to think about anything beyond Dave smelling like apples and the compact space of Casey's front seat and the jittery feeling in the pit of his stomach while he thinks of what he's doing.

Eventually though...eventually he stops and pulls back.]

I don't want you to think I'm trying to justify stuff when I say things like that. Because I'm not. It just is.

[parodeity]

[ it's probably impossible to see that his eyes stay shut behind his shades for a few seconds after john pulls back. it's more obvious that it takes a second to drop his hand, pulling it back to his side of the car as he bites his lip, just...listening. maybe he does think john is trying to justify things but he doesn't really want to bother john with that. he's been weird enough for one day. one year? ]

It's chill, John. We're good. I was just teasin'.

[windeity]

[It's impossible, yeah. John's holding his breath a little and waiting for what Dave will say, but when he says it's chill he just...kind of slumps in his seat.]

I...guess. [It felt a little different than teasing, but he won't rock the boat.] I love you. And I just kind of want to make sure that part is understood.

[parodeity]

[ being dave strider means living in a constant state of surety that you've fucked something up. there's a barely there aborted gesture to reach out, before he disengages the parking break instead, starting the car and clearing himself to back out. ]

I love you, too. That part is understood, yeah?

[windeity]

[Dave come back...but he'll just settle for clinging when they get home and instead he settles in the passenger seat.]

Yes. Absolutely understood. We're doing pretty okay for ourselves, aren't we?

[parodeity]

In what way? [ that's a weird way to word it, but in the context... ] Yes? I mean. Dude, like. [ ugh ] You make me happy. Generally speaking, as a rule. So yeah, we're okay.

[windeity]

That's all that matters to me. Like above everything else. [Yes it's weird but he's just kind of a mess at the moment.] Home and dinner and bed. In that order.

[parodeity]

Are we okay on your side? [ are you happy, he means. ]

[windeity]

Yes. ...I am going to continue being kind of nervous for a while about some things, but that's normal. And I'm happiest with you. And I can't think of anyone else I'd be happier with. So. Yes.

[parodeity]

Probably? I mean, everyone has their baggage, dude. Yours is about... [ he gestures at himself vaguely. ] And also about people leaving. Mine is...about other things. It'd be stupid for either of us to expect the other person to snap their fingers and make it stop. It's just...something you worry about, I guess, because you know it ain't that easy?

[ he's driving them home so. la di dah. ]

But I've never believed anything worth havin' was easy anyway.

[windeity]

Yeah...I know. As much as I would love to take away everything that worries you I know realistically that is not a thing that can happen. And it's not a thing you can do for me. But we can work on it.

[He's still watching Dave from his seat.]

Isn't that why people fight for the things they love?

[parodeity]

I don't know? [ like. ] This kind of fighting for things is new to me.

[ trying to throw his life away in place of rose's or jade's? check. trying to cut himself off in order to spare someone else the pain? always check.

but actually actively trying to (badly) work through things?

that's kind of new territory. ]

[windeity]

Does it bother you? [He has a lot of questions but he won't ask. Not right now.]

[parodeity]

[ tough question, he doesn't know?

abruptly: ]

Is it any less new to you?

[windeity]

--what? [Yes that was so abrupt John doesn't even quite know what Dave's asking.]

[parodeity]

Fightin' for shit you love. Like this. [ he doesn't look over because, like, driving, but he's pulling into the dormitory parking lot probably. ] Is it really any less new to you?

[windeity]

...I haven't bothered to this extent, no. Mostly because I tried once and it didn't matter, people were just gone, and the other time I should have I didn't care as much as I should have. You're something I want to keep.

[parodeity]

[ he can't pinpoint which times john means. the first might be when they all died (but he fixed it, except he didn't really, john erased who they had been and that's what it is) or it might be john's dad. he's not sure about the second. ]

If you didn't care, maybe you shouldn't have. [ a shrug as he parks. ] ...You're somethin' I want to keep, too. In whatever capacity I can.

[windeity]

[He doesn't bother elaborating on that. The first was his father in this lifetime and when things changed in the other lifetime, a beat too late to save everybody, and the second is Vic in this lifetime and Vriska in the other. Which is also weird, considering.]

...I mean. I am pretty willing to give you everything. I decided that a while ago. I don't see that changing anytime soon.

[parodeity]

Well, like. [ he snorts. ] I don't do this, John. If you were anyone else, I would've bolted like, five separate times already. But you're you, and I love you somethin' stupid, and I want to try to...not hit flight always. Because I don't actually want to run away from you even when I want to run.

[windeity]

I know. Dude, trust me, I know...you would have run already if we weren't us. Sometimes you still kind of run even when you are not physically going anywhere. But it's okay. I don't mind backing off when you need that space and I'm just kind of happy you're trying. That means a lot.