isnt that kind of a catch re experiences because thats true but i have a lot more experiences now and the person with those experiences is willing to do shit the kid back in february maybe would not have or it might be less being willing to do them and maybe just realizing i was always capable of these things all along
then you crack awkward jokes and never admit it to anyone except when they catch you the fuck out on it in nightmares maybe just spitballing here
or i guess maybe you have to look yourself in the eyes and decide whether or not you can be ok with yourself unvarnished or you have to learn how to maybe come to terms with it so that you dont look away while also not becoming someone you dont want to be
...That reminds me. You were there in one of my dreams last month, weren't you? I had others that were...worse, but you were in one, too.
Maybe that's the problem I'm having with it. I've always thought that, if there could be just one thing that I was sure about in life, it would be who I am as a person — and who I want to be.
I'm not sure how to reconcile that with the potential for a person I supposedly once was, whose motives I might not be able to understand.
yeah i make it a policy not to tell anyone what i see in other peoples heads though not a policy i enjoy having to have at all but like no worries on that front
the thing is with this i think eventually you do understand the motives i havent had a memory in the past few months where i couldnt look at it and turn it flipways and go yeah i know why i did that and often i cant even go yeah i would have done something else because i think i would have done the same thing for bullshit reasons maybe but i know the dance of inevitability that permeates my life that being said i dont think its an exact issue for everyone else maybe it can be but i think that there are universes out there where free will comes into things a lot more or maybe that is a thing that i choose to believe is true
its kind of a hard thing to talk about isnt it like knowing you were maybe not the best person and being told that youre a good one anyway and not being sure if you agree i dont know if anyone has answers to this kind of question but like if you ever want to talk to someone who wont judge your shit im around
Maybe that's the part I'm really averse to, then. In the end.
Coming to discover that I do understand the motives, and might do the same thing. That I'm not really so far from that person as I might like to believe.
I don't know yet. I'm not one to believe in destiny or fate. I don't like the thought that I'm predisposed to become someone I'd rather not be, regardless of whether or not it's who I once was.
But I'm also bothered by the question of why Retrospec would've gone out of their way to "save" someone of that particular variety, or why they might want her back at the expense of me.
honestly i wonder if they were as like deliberate in their choices as all that or if it was more a free for all whatever soul they could grab its hard to tell
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because thats true
but i have a lot more experiences now
and the person with those experiences is willing to do shit the kid back in february maybe would not have
or
it might be less being willing to do them
and maybe just realizing i was always capable of these things all along
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maybe
just spitballing here
or i guess
maybe you have to look yourself in the eyes
and decide whether or not you can be ok with yourself unvarnished
or you have to learn how to maybe come to terms with it so that you dont look away
while also not becoming someone you dont want to be
no subject
Maybe that's the problem I'm having with it. I've always thought that, if there could be just one thing that I was sure about in life, it would be who I am as a person — and who I want to be.
I'm not sure how to reconcile that with the potential for a person I supposedly once was, whose motives I might not be able to understand.
no subject
i make it a policy not to tell anyone what i see in other peoples heads though
not a policy i enjoy having to have at all but like
no worries on that front
the thing is with this
i think eventually you do understand the motives
i havent had a memory in the past few months where i couldnt look at it and turn it flipways and go
yeah i know why i did that
and often i cant even go yeah i would have done something else
because i think i would have done the same thing
for bullshit reasons maybe but i know the dance of inevitability that permeates my life
that being said i dont think its an exact issue for everyone else
maybe it can be but
i think that there are universes out there where free will comes into things a lot more
or maybe that is a thing that i choose to believe is true
its kind of a hard thing to talk about isnt it
like knowing you were maybe not the best person
and being told that youre a good one anyway
and not being sure if you agree
i dont know if anyone has answers to this kind of question
but like
if you ever want to talk to someone who wont judge your shit
im around
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Maybe that's the part I'm really averse to, then. In the end.
Coming to discover that I do understand the motives, and might do the same thing. That I'm not really so far from that person as I might like to believe.
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or i mean
i guess i want to know what you intend to do
if you care to share
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But I'm also bothered by the question of why Retrospec would've gone out of their way to "save" someone of that particular variety, or why they might want her back at the expense of me.
no subject
deliberate in their choices as all that
or if it was more a free for all whatever soul they could grab
its hard to tell