parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 1.0;

You're only sayin' that because you're annoyed I brought up you getting shot by Granddad Harleybert.

[ pick a name and stick to it, dave. but he seems mildly amused more than anything else. ]

I rarely start shit with him, I just don't stop it whenever he gets his panties in a twist about...literally everything. Calmin' him down ain't out of my skillset, but tbh the dude enjoys shouting at people.

I've gotten that impression.

[THIS IS. AN UNDERSTATEMENT. Dirk has long since realized the key to making Karkat do anything is to claim he can't do the it or tell him to do the opposite thing. He is the most contrary person Dirk has ever met.]

I warned Jake I would fuck that fight up.

[Because Dirk made a conscious decision to concentrate less on the battle and more on his brother. He has priorities and they are Dave.]

Sometimes he argues with me about not arguing with him.

[ because dave...only argues so long as he wants and then goes haha ok whatever and doesn't care if he loses? predictably, this drives karkat insane. while dave laughs. ]

You could have just had Wiz record me or somethin' to look at after the fight.

I did.

[But Dirk wanted to see Dave himself during the fight to be absolutely sure.]

You're so ridiculous.

[ he means for. not just doing the footage and focusing, but apparently needing to do the footage and watch dave the entire time and then also watch the footage? ]

Wasn't that counterproductive to your weird goal anyway?

It wasn't. So I'm good to train.

[This has a little to do with the fight, but it also has a little to the other training he and Jake have been doing. After successfully pulling off a ridiculous carnival and seeing that it really does help Jake learn, Dirk has begun to think maybe he isn't actually the absolute worst and possibly, maybe, things might be okay?

Although.]

You should probably know I won't do my best until I'm sure you're fine.

[STILL GONNA WORRY ABOUT DAVE EVEN THOUGH DAVE SEEMED OKAY AND DAVE SAYS HE'LL BE OKAY.

Look, Dave wanted a brother who cared. Now he has one, and this is what that means.]

I'm entirely ok with handing you your ass until you stop being ridiculous.

[ and. probably after that? but whatever he won't pull punches.

except that he will, in the sense dave is not cutthroat in the way of actually causing harm. he'll cheat like no tomorrow and doesn't pull punches tactically, but he won't really be trying to draw blood. it's enough to land light hits and shit, right? ]

Thanks. Your graciousness is overwhelming.

[We all know it's Dirk who's going to be really fighting not to beg Dave to make it worse. He will try very hard not to ask Dave to hit him as hard as he can. He doesn't want to suddenly realize he was Edward Norton all along.]

[ okay that would probably freak dave out a little. he refuses to ever even inch close to the territory of what bro did to him in regards to...doing that to anyone else. ever. ]

I'm well-known for it, just ask Rose and Kitkat.

Fuck that's a great nickname.

[It works on so many levels. A root in the name, two different terms for felines, a reference to a delicious chocolate bar—it's a nickname masterpiece.]

Right? I mean, he insists he absolutely hates it but he also insists he hates all my beats.

[ HE SEES YOU THERE TAPPING YOUR FOOT, KARKAT. HE SEES YOU!!! ]

Anyway when the fuck did you want to start this shit up.

Whenever you want. You're the Jedi Master now, bro. I'm just a humble Padawan Learner.

[Dirk's new method of dealing with uncomfortable situations where his obsession with control has caused problems: casually hand all the power over to the person who isn't a colossal douchebag.]

I wanna be called Sensei.

[ don't give dave the power? ]

Why would you want to be Sensei when you could be a Jedi?

[This is a debate worth having apparently.]

Because you refused to tell me how to get Wiz to call me Sensei.

[ APPARENTLY HE REMEMBERED THIS? ]

But also I am obviously Sensei Jedi Master. [ ... ] Commander-in-chief.

[ stop adding titles? ]

[...]

Okay.

So just let me know when and where, Dave.

[Dave picked too many titles, Dirk now will ignore all of them.]

[ no he isn't picking a time until you call him at least one of those titles. have dave mimicking that thing dirk does where he just stares at dave.

HOW'S IT FEEL TO BE ON THE OTHER SIDE oh like dirk gives a fuck but dave is pretty sure dirk might crack re: training before dave does since dave isn't as gungho about that shit. ]

[Is Dave really trying that? On one hand, Dirk does want to train with Dave. On the other hand, this is stupid.

The laundry machine buzzes. Dirk takes his stuff out and puts it into his sylladex. He walks away.]

[ RUDE but okay dave will just go do...something else????

he is pretty sure he had other things to do. maybe if he goes to bother john he will remember what they were. ]

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