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[Dirk mentally snorts, and then remembers that people express things out loud. So he lightly taps Dave.]

The bar is barely above the Earth's solid core. It's in a state of ambiguity, struggling with liquidity from the heat against the pressure that demands its atoms form a rigid structure. The bar is so damn low I have to fly miles above it to avoid getting waterlogged in the Mariana Trench.

Ok, so where exactly do you think this bar should even be?

[ like what kind of expectations does dirk want him to have here because dave needs...to know what normal is... ]

[Er. Well. Dirk doesn't know what normal should be either but.]

At least waist-height on the second floor of a suburban home. Like I said, this isn't an area that I know a lot about. Sitcoms and cinema aren't the best source for true family dynamics when normalized dysfunction is the bread and barbecue sauce of fiction.

But maybe you should at least expect me to treat you as well as your friends do. John, Jade, Rose. From what I've heard and seen, they've been really good to you.

I'd like to at least meet those standards.

I hold you to those...

[ dave...trails off. because he's not sure he can actually say that in truth and he never really...thought about it? but any time dirk outpaces bro, which is pretty much 100% of the time, he seems to be doing fine to dave? like wow look at this not being shitty or at least being way less shitty while still being shitty. stellar. gold star for dirk!

but on the other hand if rose had pulled this sort of crap about doing something she knew dave wouldn't like without at least talking to him he'd call her on it and has done so before.

huh.

he...didn't realize he was doing that. ]

[ He sees the realization hit and gives the wave time to wash over Dave. When it feels settled, he continues. ]

Yeah.

You think we can work with that?

I...guess I haven't been treating you like Rose or whoever. But can you really say you don't hold me to different standards, either?

[ like.

dave is pretty sure he might be in a different category than everyone else but he's not...100% sure. ]

Anyway, I'll...I'll try.

Yes, of course.

But you know the difference here.

[He tightens the embrace just briefly. What would Roxy call it? A squeeze.]

Thanks, Dave.

Without any ironic disclaimers, I love you, okay?

[It's occurs to Dirk that maybe Dave doesn't here that as much as he should.]

[ uh

okay so it turns out telling dave he's worth something and important and shit is a lot different from saying i love you because even rose and karkat don't really say the words too often because they're both shitty at sharing their emotions. the harleyberts are way more effusive about their affections, but it's been three years since dave's really had much time with them. one heart-to-heart with john egbert just does not cut it after a drought of egbertian shenanigans in dave's life.

and shocking spoiler alert, this is definitely a thing bro never, ever said.

there's a pause as dave tries to process that one but ]

Really?

[ lmao of course he has to just like

double check

are you sure about this dirk ]

[Yeah. That honestly doesn't surprise Dirk a lot. He isn't sure how much other people say it to Dave (well, Roxy has never been short of forthcoming with her affections) but even then, Dirk knows that he will continue to have his own special category in Dave's head, built out of the shadow of the version of him that raised Dave.

But Dirk, for all of his convoluted courtship rituals, has never really had a hard time telling his friends that he cares about them. Sometimes he thinks he should tell them more. Now he's sure he needs to tell Dave more.

He draws back from the embrace enough so Dave can see his face. No shades, no shields. Still not expressive, that isn't ever going to change. But Dirk isn't scared of saying this.]

Really. Zero tiers of irony, unaffected by temporal incoherency, more genuine than conceivable to profit-driven Hollywood cliche. I'm glad that you're my brother, and I love you.

Okay?

[ there's still surprise and...a pinch of doubt, really, but.

dave's still the more expressive of the two striders and it's probably easy as fuck to tell he's mostly just kind of...happy? this is happy, right. yeah he's pretty sure this is happy. or embarrassed. or...

he has no idea what he's feeling but at least he does know the answer. ]

Uh. Okay. I love you too. Which I. Think you knew? You probably knew. I think I've said it before. Shit.

[ he's so good at accepting familial affection. rose's habit of swaddling it up in a thousand layers of irony and passive-aggressive warfare means he doesn't usually get it completely unwrapped. ]

[Honestly, Dirk didn't have time to be nervous about this. There are things Dirk needs to say, and those can be nerve-wracking, but when it comes to thinks Dave needs to hear, there's no hesitation. His anxiousness, if anything, is focused on whether or not Dave is responding to it properly, or if this is something he has to spend more time untangling from the other him's mistakes. But now that Dave is saying it back...

Okay. Yes? That's a thing. He was actually not prepared to have this turned around on him.

He frees one arm from the hug to ruffle Dave's hair. It feels like the best next move.]

You didn't know, huh. Do I have to tell you I love you ever night during bedtime hugs? I'm warning you, Roxy will want to get in on it. Your sister might not be able to handle the level of sincerity Rox and I can get up to between us. It is, and I quote, 'incredibly sweet-plus-lame.'

You never said it before now, dude.

[ "important" is different from "love"? or at least. well. bro had been important, but dave sure as fuck hadn't loved him. at least...not in a long time? and he's not sure he could call any of that love. hero worship? stockholm syndrome? who fucking knows, dave doesn't and he's spent years thinking about it.

so no, he hadn't known. because dave is kind of...terrible...at assuming people love him. ]

I, uh. Rose would have so much to say about this. Sincerity is like her kryptonite, too.

[ and...dave's...

so by all means wreck them ]

Sorry. I should have said it sooner.

[If anything, Dirk is doing better now. He is much calmer, and his hold on Dave is less desperate. He has had many feelings that have stressed him but this is not one of them.]

Then Rose can get to building up an immunity. [The nightly reminders of love and affection are happening.]

No, I mean...

[ dave sort of shrugs. ]

You didn't really know me sooner? Like, sure, you probs know more Post-Scratch Dave trivia than anyone and I'm p sure a lot of that transfers over, but.

[ but maybe it means a little more to actually get to know someone and decide you still want to be related to them at the end of the getting to know them portion? he has no idea where he's going with this. ]

Now I guess you're penned in as knowin' the original flavor, too.

I wouldn't deny that. For all there are similarities along iterations of a person, a relationship is more than a series of interlocking traits. If I were to make an equation out of it, I'd probably chart it using attachment over time. My relationship with you is continuous from my relationship to the version of you that I grew up admiring, and it'd be disingenuous to suggest otherwise. But its also a distinct system, based on actual interaction with you, instead of a one-sided connection to a long-dead legend.

[Maybe that was a little too intellectual in nature, but of course Dirk has thought a lot about relationships. Analytic dissertations and quick-tongued debates with his AR, hours of critical study. Long nights spent desperately trying to break them down. When it comes down to it, though, predestination and ectobiology don't really factor into it.]

Not that a relationship can be broken down to numbers and formulas. I just mean that experiences are an important part of my relationship. And I guess that I'm pretty sure I worked out that you could count love into that formula before now? It isn't like that was a blinding realization while we were hugging it out.

If that's okay with you.

[...Okay so Dirk is still very nervous for all of his calm talk. Look, he tried.]

Edited 2016-06-29 01:26 (UTC)

[ okay, it's apparently dave's turn to lose track of the conversation. he's. not sure what he was just asked. ]

Are you asking permission to chart our relationship or write formula - formulas? formulae? - about it because uh, knock yourself out as long as I'm not required to memorize any of it? Not that I'm bad at math. I am actually pretty fuckin' awesome at math. But made up relationship math is not a thing I have ever or will ever care about?

[ this is probably not what dirk was talking about when he said "if that's okay with you". ]

...No?

I guess what I'm asking is kinda stupid.

[It's incredibly stupid. Dirk realizes that because he tries to find a sentence for it and the sentence is really dumb?]

I... want to know if it's okay that I love you?

[...Yeah that's stupid. You know what he's just going to. Put his face on Dave's shoulder. Because that's the best way to deal with realizing you're a complete and utter idiot who doesn't know a single thing about being a proper human being. He bets Roxy never asks stupid questions like that.]

You what.

[ oh my god dirk???? dave can't actually judge awkward statements or questions because look at everything he's ever said ever but. ]

Dude, what was your plan here if I said no, you can't like turn of emotions like they're a lightswitch? Or like, go into settings and click "thanks but no thanks"? Asking someone if you can continue doing something completely involuntary is kinda stupid, yeah.

[ that said: ]

But yes it's okay with me if you love me, oh my god.

[ goes to pat dirk's head, thinks better of it, awkwardly ends up patting his...shoulder slash neck. look he doesn't want to get tackled again for messing up dirk's hair or something. ]

[This is the dumbest thing. He takes the... weird shoulder pat with gratitude (good, respect the hair) but also just needs to keep his face in Dave's shoulder for a while because god that was so dumb.]

I don't know? Keep it to myself?

[Why must he be so dumb. Why.]

Hope you're enjoying the mantle of older brother, dude.

[Because somehow this is related to Dirk's incredible stupidity as he hides against Dave. From Dave. Leave him alone it makes sense.]

Edited 2016-06-29 02:07 (UTC)

Saying dumb shit has nothin' to do with bein' older or younger, that is just straight up Strider genetics.

[ like.

bro didn't say stupid shit dave guesses but when did he ever talk to dave much? there was nothing awkward about that man because awkward would have been relatable. ]

Which I think is actually your fault since you're the source code of that shit, congrats, man.

[ is that how it works?

ectobiology...

dave pauses. ]

Wait. Or am I the source of the terrible with words thing because of my post-scratch interviews??? Shit. Do we share an equal fault here for the Strider Blurtscapades? Is p space responsible??? I have to know who to blame here, this shit deserves blaming on someone or something, it's nails on a chalkboard levels of awkward, always. The soundtrack to my life and interpersonal relations, and apparently yours? What a great genetic gift. Did you keep a receipt, maybe we can return it. Buy, like, some sort of dumb toy instead?

You usually default to blaming John for any ectobiological problems.

[Like. All the time.]

But I don't think we can hold your interviews responsible for my poor choices in sentence construction. I'm pretty sure this is all on my genetics, and the results of me raising you in one universe and myself in another.

[Whose fault is Homestuck? Dirk's.]

Ok, pop quiz. Have you ever considered that the whole thing you do sometimes where you blame yourself for like, everything, is just another facet of the narcissism thing I think you're supposed to be workin' on here?

[ dave begs to differ re: who is at fault for homestuck because if he had to pick he would pick

uh

lord english? he seems like an asshole ]

Also yes obviously it's John's fault too since he's not here to defend himself.

I have.

[And then hated himself more for it? He is so good at this. He's pretty sure he's turned self-loathing into a labyrinthine construction that Daedalus would weep to see.

But. He raises his head from its happy grave on Dave's shoulder. The slightest quirk of a brow suggests something like a smile.]

I was joking, Dave. Not entirely, since our social skills probably do more or less come down to our upbringings and how they affected whatever latent genetic aptitudes we had, so in a technical sense what I said was true. And also, John's fault. [For as long as he can't defend himself.]

But I think you're pretty fucking incredible when it comes to interacting with people, and I don't think that has anything at all to do with any iteration of me. You're the sort of person that others can get comfortable with.

Awkward mouth words and all.

It helps if you're willin' to like, own up to the stupid shit you say I guess?

[ and also being supremely easygoing about most things helps. dave is probably occasionally too easygoing (stop letting crazy girls dictate your life, dave) but when he's not bothering to be a dick he's too laid back to really. not get along with most people...

even when he's being a little shit he sometimes accidentally gets on with people. he has mostly been trolling korosensei and yet they seem to be basically getting along. oops. ]

But uh, thanks? You're good at shit I'm not good at though so. Shrug?

[ did he just say shrug out loud. while not shrugging. of fucking course he did. ]

You might want to try acting out the motions you vocalize.

[He means it fondly. Competency isn't exactly what Dirk is talking about here, but he'll let it slide. In fact, he'll even offer his fist for a bump.]

So we're good to go? Because unlike the Lalonde half of our clan, I'm not that big on staying too near to the Void.

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parodeity - 2016-06-29 03:22 (UTC) - Expand