parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 1.0;

[Dave you love that robot too much.]

Fair enough. By the way, there's a robotic mermaid suit in the base resources now.

[This is important on the level of 'Dirk thinks Dave will get a kick out of it as much as Dirk does' which is obviously the most important level.]

[ no he doesn't. dirk has definitely never walked in on midnight rap sessions with wiz or found dave just hugging the robot or giving him headpats or doodling little wiz figures in the margins of anything he's working on.

you can't prove any of that.

dave turns a completely betrayed look on dirk. ]

Whoa, what? And why isn't one of us wearing it right now?

[Dirk actually stops his swimming. The look surprises him? He thought Dave would be excited but not that excited?

(Also he has proof. He has video proof. He has video proof of so much.)]

Do you... wanna go back and get it?

[ dirk, how much of your glasses memory is slowly being dedicated to basically what amounts to a family scrapbook.

also: who the fuck wouldn't be excited about a mermaid suit ]

You promised me the best fake vacation ever, how's it the best fake vacation ever if you're not in a mermaid suit, dude.

[ or if dave is not in one. HONESTLY, HE DOESN'T CARE WHO WEARS IT. the point is someone has to. ]

That's a yes, then.

[It's not like they'd gone far out, so it's right back to the airlock because apparently someone has to wear a mermaid suit for proper vacations? He isn't even sure that will help with the crop circle. He has a feeling it will hinder it, a lot.]

The spear that I'm building to go with it isn't finished yet. Sorry, dude.

[It isn't the full merman experience.]

[ dirk...you can say no to stupid requests from dave, you know. but yep back in they go. ]

What kinda spear are you building? Isn't a trident more the done thing?

[ note that dave doesn't even ask why someone would build a mermaid suit. why WOULDN'T someone build a mermaid suit? ]

[Nah.]

Retractable, with a laser. The engineer who built it wanted a spear. I'm not going to deny the dude his legacy. [Here, he uses 'dude' in the gender neutral sense. He has no idea the gender of the robot builder. All he knows is that Todd could not stop it from happening.

They get to the suits, and Dirk drags the suite out for Dave to see. If Dave chooses to wear it, he will of course be greeted by the AI asking on boot up, "Ready for a fucking adventure, Todd?"]

Oh my fucking god.

[ dave has to. stare. for a little bit here. that is the coolest suit in the history of ever? holy shit? AND SURE DAVE WILL. CHOOSE TO WEAR IT. WHY NOT. ]

Who the hell is Todd. Oh my god mermaid adventure time we need more than one of these holy shit?

[ THIS IS THE MOST ABSURD THING EVER. dave loves you, mysterious todd-harassing scientist. ]

Edited 2016-05-24 09:02 (UTC)

He must've been one of the Aurora's scientists. He did not want this thing built.

[Congrats, Dave. You are now a mermaid. Which. Dirk realizes that Dave is probably not going to have the easiest time leaving the base as this because. No water.]

I can carry you out if you want.

[On the other hand, if Dave wants to flop to the exit, that would be hilarious and Dirk would not stop him.]

Suck it, Todd!

[ whoever the hell you are. in response to the options, dave holds up his arms. ]

Dude, if I'm going full Ariel I expect to be treated like a fucking princess.

[ is this brotherhood thing everything dirk ever dreamed. because. surely this situation was not in any of his boyhood imaginings. ]

[Nope this definitely did not come up when he thought about hanging with his Bro.]

You might want to think up a sweet tune to sing to the fishes then.

[Dirk hauls this mermaid bro up into his arms. He doesn't feel like he has to say that any singing will be recorded. It is basically a given.]

[ maybe someday dave will manage to have a meeting with dirk that will like, not turn to idiotic shenanigans - no

no that's never gonna happen. ]

Do you think fish like rap? They should totally like rap. Maybe we should see if we can teach the reefbacks how to really jam.

[And Dirk likes it that way just fine.]

They already have a sense for melody. It's about time they learn rhythm and flow.

[Okay, airlock. Merbro in arms. Switching gears and popping out into the depths. Swim free, merbro.]

[ give dave a minute or two to figure out the controls on this thing. he is thankfully extremely flexible and athletic and pretty quick to learn things, but he'll flop around for a bit just to figure it out.

all right. ]

Sweet, add that to our to-do list. Some of the other fish out here respond to music sometimes, too, come to think of it.

[Dirk waits patiently for his brother to get the hang of it, and he isn't actually left waiting that long. So that's good. Once Dave is moving, Dirk follows after him.]

Which fish have you been singing to.

[Is it something deadly. Did you sing to dangerous fish, Dave.]

The Stalkers.

[ dave says with a "duh" tonne of voice. ]

And the Magister. But on one of my scavenge quests, I found a recording of a weird song? I tried humming that to one of them and it was kinda weird, how it acted. I'll show you if we see one.

[Singing to Snoop was of course a given. The Stalkers are more interesting.]

Were there any clues about the origins of that song?

[ how were the stalkers not a given though dirk, you know dave is super into them ]

Not really. I couldn't even tell what language it was in. I just kind of memorized the tune.

[ but he still has the recording device, he can show that to dirk later. ]

Show me when we get back.

[They have had enough detours for now. Dirk gives Wiz a wave when they're caught back up to him, and the drone moves from its overhead position to come down near to Dave and prod gently at him. Yes, that is the Dave. Correctly spotted. Good work Wiz.

Wiz decides to stay near Dave. Maybe he's worried about Dave handling the mermaid suit.]

Sure thing.

[ yes there is important work to be done now...dave holds up a hand for a high...five? whatever. he pats wiz on the head after a second for good measure. HEY WIZ DID YOU MISS THEM???

dave seems to be doing? okay? with the suit swimming? it's kind of weird as fuck still but it's fun and he is completely nailing this ariel thing. ]

How far out's the site?

[It's kinda impressive to see it actually work. Dirk knew that in theory it would be a perfectly useable method of transportation, but he had his doubts about the practice of it. Good work, Dave. You're a great Ariel.]

Not far. I figured we'd want it somewhere that people were likely to see it.

[Heavens forbid they spare the rest of the base from their shitty humour.]

[ he is the best disney princess, it is him.

alternately he is the nerdiest kid who ever used enforced athletics on anything ever. ]

We'll brighten everyone's day. Hey, Rose has even read all my comics although I think she's rusty on her references. Maybe she'll get it?

[Make it both.]

How could she not? That masterpiece of garbage is way too memorable for anyone to forget.

[NOT EVERYONE WATCHED EVERY MOVIE LIKE 500 TIMES, DIRK.]

Roxy should get it too.

She's part of the fanbase, too?

[ is there no one in this canon that dave's sense of humor has not tainted ]

Dude, you are seriously underestimating how influential that franchise is. You were famous. Like, eclipsed-the-stars famous. All-the-awards, automatically-in-the-NFR famous. Everyone watched those. They remained culturally and historically significant for as long as there were humans to watch them. And obviously, me and Roxy have a special regard for the creations of our illustrious ancestors.

[While the telepathy extends in monotony, there's that push behind it, like Dirk is trying to restrain himself from being overbearing about just how important the works of his Bro and Roxy's Mom were to him personally, while simultaneously wanting to communicate that exact level of importance in terms of the world.]

Edited 2016-05-25 23:18 (UTC)

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i was so glad to see this icon for these reasons

ah yes i mentally called that one subnautica dirk

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