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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

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Comments

[parodeity]

No? I'd be takin' pictures of you. And any cool stuff in there, true.

[ ..............WHY IS HE NOT BOTHERING TO ASK IF JOHN IS OKAY WITH THIS ]

[windeity]

[...Dave why are you like this.]

Huh. Okay, whatever. [A grin. He'll lead them up to the front door and pay the coverage charge since it's one of those haunted houses with like actors and rooms to walk through and stuff. They can go to an abandoned house another day.] I think they probably will? You see pictures online all the time of people reacting to jumpscares in haunted houses.

[parodeity]

[ john why are you like this and just letting him do whatever?? dave is following along, and for once doesn't put up a fuss about john paying. he is maybe trying to stick to that talk they had about actually splitting costs or trading off evenly. ]

Yeah, but you ain't really the jumpscare type, are you?

[windeity]

[Good job, Dave. And also maybe let him live.]

Not really. I have been doing haunted houses and mazes and stuff since I was a kid and they are always just fun for me. But I think that is because I like horror movies and stuff. [And into the house they go...it's a dark narrow hallway first, but John seems to be able to see where he's going.]

[parodeity]

[ dave's literally in shades, although he has his camera around his neck and is idly fiddling with settings. he doesn't seem bothered by the dark, though. ]

You like most genres of movie, dude, don't you? Like, which ones are you opposed to?

[windeity]

[Somewhere in the distance there's low growling noises but haha whatever.]

You could say that. I am not big on, like, war movies because they can be kind of boring without a lot of action or like straight-up romance movies. Otherwise yeah I am open to everything.

[parodeity]

[ it only sets dave on edge because > jacks but there's no visible reaction beyond shifting closer to john in case he has to draw...his sword...

the automatic combative reaction just cannot be suppressed at this point. ]

I tend to like non-serious shit.

[windeity]

[He's...keeping an eye on Dave and he's actually wondering if this was a good idea. He's convinced it's part of the house and not Jack, but uh. They're probably fine. At least some of the lights start to appear toward the end of the hall.]

I should show you some of the mockumentaries I watched over the summer. You'd probably like those.

[parodeity]

[ like. beyond shifting positions without seemingly think about it he seems fine? WHICH maybe that's a little concerning, how little he seems to react to being on edge and how he just notes it and shifts a little more wary, but yeah. ]

Mockumentaries are entirely my jam, so yeah, probably. What was your favorite?

[windeity]

[The hallway widens and okay, everything seems fine then. John's hands are in his pockets and he's eyeballing the walls like he's looking for something specific.]

Toss-up between This is Spinal Tap and District 9. There are others that come close but I like those best.

[parodeity]

[ meanwhile dave is eyeing john like he's not sure john isn't about to enact a jump scare?

he snaps a photograph anyway. ]

I saw the second and am not surprised. I also like, uh, weird films, I guess? Things that aren't the general run of the mill bullshit.

[windeity]

[Dave can take his picture and John walks forward when some dudes dressed as zombies suddenly lunge and rattle the cages they're hiding behind. The light's dim so you can only see their faces and traces of blood but John...predictably laughs.]

Cool make-up. [And he carries on.] What kind of weird films then? [He continues the conversation like that didn't even happen.]

[parodeity]

[ dave, completely without changing his expression, jolts but doesn't remark on it. he takes another picture to calm his nerves. ]

Weird art films, I guess, as a genre? Nothin' too tragic, though.

[windeity]

[Onward they go. The halls are a little brighter now and they seem to be walking through what looks like a normal, dusty house.]

Tragic movies are too depressing for my tastes anyway. I don't know if I have ever watched weird art films, but I have watched foreign films before. Does that count?

[parodeity]

Why wouldn't it? I dunno, I guess...mostly I take issue with some mainstream shit, and other things I just find borin', and certain tragic shit I just don't want to see. I'd make a terrible film critic, though. I almost never base whether or not I like things on like the inherent artistic merit, even if I can bullshit that part.

[windeity]

[You know what just pretend that while this is going on they're walking through this haunted house filled with creepy bullshit, various jumpscares, aesthetic lighting and more. Jumpscares will come intermittently.]

I think that is maybe why you might not be a bad critic, actually. Movies are meant for normal consumers, not necessarily artists. Liking things for the sake of liking them is important. But maybe that's just me.

[parodeity]

[ dave probably gets better about not jolting as he learns to just watch john and his surroundings more carefully, although he still sticks pretty close. he also takes a bunch of dumb pictures.

he's going to scrapbook later, probably, ]

Thirteen year old me might disagree, but seventeen year old me kind of definitely doesn't. It's so much fuckin' effort to "like" a thing you don't like, or to "not like" somethin' you do.

[windeity]

[John, for as jumpy and fidgety as he was in Dave's nightmares seems almost at ease in the haunted house because he's genuinely amused, even going as far as trying to see how the set's built and such. Dave will probably have a lot of photos of random shit and also John being a tool.]

Exactly! What is so hard about just liking a thing because you like it? So what if other people think it's stupid or whatever? That is where most of my arguments go on my blog.

[parodeity]

It’s one thing to say that and another thing to live it, I think. I couldn’t.

[ at least dave feels more secure nothing foggy is happening and loosens up a little ok ]

[windeity]

[Please assume John also took some selfies with some of the actors in the haunted house, but eventually even he jumps despite the fact his reaction is still finding it funny.]

Did you ever want to?

[parodeity]

Did you? I don’t know if anyone is that genuine, Egbert. Even you. Everyone lies to themselves at least a little, and to other people.

[ cynicism 101 with Dave Strider ]

[windeity]

[He doesn't address the question directly.]

What do you think I could be lying to myself about? I can sort of see lying to other people a little but not really much.

[parodeity]

A lot of things. I don’t always bother to call you out on ‘em, but be real: how many times have you smiled at me and changed the subject away from something you don’t like, or do? I don’t think people who are always willing to cop to their shit are easily found. I also don’t think that’s a bad thing.

[windeity]

[He doesn't say anything at first because haha called the fuck out. But there's a light hum as he highfives a werewolf on their walk.]

So what does that actually make it? Just...a thing?

[parodeity]

It’s a human being thing, John. Congrats, you’re not a robot.

[ Why is John high fiving werewolves? ]

I don’t expect you to be some weird genuine ideal? Like I said, no one is.