It's one of the things that actually has some sort of meanin' now, in relation to you, yes. And in relation to me, I guess? It's -

[ he nearly says "you know", pauses, and explains as though dirk didn't know. ]

There were a lot of things I was...disconnected from to at least some degree 'cause it was easier. This was one of those things, for a few reasons. I never mind doin' the shit I didn't give a fuck about before with you, or...lettin' myself start to give a fuck?

[ or. ADMITTING to giving a fuck. both things are hard. ]