I'm not asexual. I just...do not want to have sex right now?

[ but maybe that was obvious with the whole working back up to being comfortable touching people. ]

I don't know. I mean, I've had...interest? Just not in. Everything. Or probably as frequently as would be normal. I was too busy wantin' - lower key shit. [ see: handholding and hanging out. it took him years to consider doing anything further on a serious level and right now that's back to being not viable. ] I wasn't fully comfortable with the idea even before all this. I'm not...entirely thrilled about always bein' in control in the way in which I would have been expected to be, but I also don't want to be out of control. It's somethin' I could ignore in smaller scenarios but if it ever went further, I'd probably panic to some degree. I already feel really uneasy in nonsexual romantic scenarios wherein I'm expected to have the lead full stop in a manner which makes me feel kinda...somethin'. I just. I'm sure someday I will maybe revisit the issue when I am less fucked up over everythin' else, but maybe I should just let it lie for now?

[ why the fuck is he saying any of these words. shit. ]

Rose said it was "mature" of me if not the most mature option available, and she is literally the smuttiest person I know. So maybe it's okay.