[The second Dave says it's his shades, there's a small groan that Dave can just. Feel right there because goddammit.]
It's awesome how the auto-responder can make things annoying for me even when I'm just projecting him. I am never going to stop being haunted by that mistake.
[Dave asked a question but Dirk just needs to GRIPE about the damned auto-responder for a second. It always drives him up the wall. But. Okay. Focus. Question.]
The way I project him is always uncontrolled. Even when I get a handle on Squarewave and Sawtooth, he's the one element that I can't predict or manage. That was always the case with him and it looks like my subconscious can't imagine him as anything else. When I project him, I create him as I knew him, which means jealous, intrusive, petty, superior, and constantly trying to sabotage my relationships by thinking he knows what's best for them.
The thing is, though, that in the end he is me. Yes, he's a projection here, but even the real AR is my own personality at age thirteen, amplified by the highest processing speed I could get my hands on. It isn't necessarily that I feel everything that he does and he chooses to express it. But an iteration of me can and does think like that because I also have that potential in me.
[Blah blah blah, theory. Dirk knows he's dodging the question. He knows he needs to get to it.]
I'm—not worried about you picking him. As an entity, he doesn't even really exist the same way anymore. Dream Ghost Dirk is restricted to being in Jake's head, my dream self is part of me now, and Brobot ripped out its heart and blew up. So I'm covered against you choosing most other splinters of me anyway.
But... yeah. I'm worried about losing the Dave's brother sweepstakes. I'm worried that your Bro is the real me, what I truly, most essentially am across all splinters. [His eyes move away. His voice gets quieter.] And.. it scares me that maybe for you, 'brother' will always mean him.
no subject
It's awesome how the auto-responder can make things annoying for me even when I'm just projecting him. I am never going to stop being haunted by that mistake.
[Dave asked a question but Dirk just needs to GRIPE about the damned auto-responder for a second. It always drives him up the wall. But. Okay. Focus. Question.]
The way I project him is always uncontrolled. Even when I get a handle on Squarewave and Sawtooth, he's the one element that I can't predict or manage. That was always the case with him and it looks like my subconscious can't imagine him as anything else. When I project him, I create him as I knew him, which means jealous, intrusive, petty, superior, and constantly trying to sabotage my relationships by thinking he knows what's best for them.
The thing is, though, that in the end he is me. Yes, he's a projection here, but even the real AR is my own personality at age thirteen, amplified by the highest processing speed I could get my hands on. It isn't necessarily that I feel everything that he does and he chooses to express it. But an iteration of me can and does think like that because I also have that potential in me.
[Blah blah blah, theory. Dirk knows he's dodging the question. He knows he needs to get to it.]
I'm—not worried about you picking him. As an entity, he doesn't even really exist the same way anymore. Dream Ghost Dirk is restricted to being in Jake's head, my dream self is part of me now, and Brobot ripped out its heart and blew up. So I'm covered against you choosing most other splinters of me anyway.
But... yeah. I'm worried about losing the Dave's brother sweepstakes. I'm worried that your Bro is the real me, what I truly, most essentially am across all splinters. [His eyes move away. His voice gets quieter.] And.. it scares me that maybe for you, 'brother' will always mean him.