[Dirk's voice softens.] That isn't the right way either. You take too much of an all-or-nothing approach, Dave.
Maybe it runs in the family. [Hinata may or may not have called Dirk out on being too extreme with his loyalty to people, earlier today.] The thing is... look. Let's start with the Bro thing. As far as I'm concerned, you telling everyone about that wouldn't be helpful. It might explain some things to a few people, maybe, but it's more of you sacrificing yourself for something, and it isn't required. What I'm talking about is...
[He frowns. Tries to work it out, a better way.] You can't handle contact right now. You gave me the reason why, and I appreciate it, but that wouldn't be an obligation to other people. Like say someone you love wanted to hug you, and you told them you couldn't deal with it. That'd be all you'd have to tell them. "Sorry, but right now that's not something I can handle for personal reasons. It stresses me out." That's setting down a boundary for your comfort by sharing with them you have a problem, and it's showing them that you respect and trust them enough to be honest about your needs and desires. So far, pretty good.
Then we talked about the situation. We worked out the goal here, which is for you to be able to hug me again without being stressed out. It's a good goal, because it doesn't sacrifice one of us for the other. It's reaching towards something that works for both of us.
After that, we figured out how to approach fixing that. Going through it slowly, at a pace that works for you. We also accepted that these conditions with the asshole aliens aren't ideal, so it should probably be postponed. But we made a quasi-plan for how we'd reach the situation we're going for, and we kept communication open for what was required there. So now we're in a position to work on it until we get what we want.
[He looks back at Dave.] That's all... doable, isn't it? You have a problem, you tell the relevant people what the problem is without the backstory, just that it's there. You talk about what you both want and you try to figure out how to do it over time, instead of just jumping from zero to a hundred.
no subject
Maybe it runs in the family. [Hinata may or may not have called Dirk out on being too extreme with his loyalty to people, earlier today.] The thing is... look. Let's start with the Bro thing. As far as I'm concerned, you telling everyone about that wouldn't be helpful. It might explain some things to a few people, maybe, but it's more of you sacrificing yourself for something, and it isn't required. What I'm talking about is...
[He frowns. Tries to work it out, a better way.] You can't handle contact right now. You gave me the reason why, and I appreciate it, but that wouldn't be an obligation to other people. Like say someone you love wanted to hug you, and you told them you couldn't deal with it. That'd be all you'd have to tell them. "Sorry, but right now that's not something I can handle for personal reasons. It stresses me out." That's setting down a boundary for your comfort by sharing with them you have a problem, and it's showing them that you respect and trust them enough to be honest about your needs and desires. So far, pretty good.
Then we talked about the situation. We worked out the goal here, which is for you to be able to hug me again without being stressed out. It's a good goal, because it doesn't sacrifice one of us for the other. It's reaching towards something that works for both of us.
After that, we figured out how to approach fixing that. Going through it slowly, at a pace that works for you. We also accepted that these conditions with the asshole aliens aren't ideal, so it should probably be postponed. But we made a quasi-plan for how we'd reach the situation we're going for, and we kept communication open for what was required there. So now we're in a position to work on it until we get what we want.
[He looks back at Dave.] That's all... doable, isn't it? You have a problem, you tell the relevant people what the problem is without the backstory, just that it's there. You talk about what you both want and you try to figure out how to do it over time, instead of just jumping from zero to a hundred.
Does that sound stupid?