I'm not disagreeing that the way you've handled problems lately has been less than perfect. My argument is that rather than refusing to express or admit to the problems, you need to work on how you handle them.
[Dirk's doing his reasonable thing, but it's also very sincere. He starts closest to home.]
The telling me specifically thing, you have a problem with that kind of thing related to various things that make sense with your history and personality. I get that now, and I'm happy to work with you on it. The problem wasn't that you had a problem, it was your reaction, which was to immediately shut me out, cut yourself off, and not even talk about it with me. I had to drag you out to a volcano to get an explanation as to why, or to learn that you didn't trust me in no small part because of how I brought it up to you.
That's pretty bad problem-solving. Same goes for the separate living thing. Part of what you did, in terms of claiming a safe space for yourself, was a pretty reasonable response, in my opinion. The part where you cut yourself off from others and didn't open up to them was unhelpful to you or us.
Does that make sense? It isn't the fact that you have a problem. Rather, what you do that's harmful, for yourself and for the rest of us, is solving your problems by cutting and running. It hurts us because we want you in our lives and you won't let us be there, and it hurts you because it perpetuates your habit of self-destruction. Everyone loses.
no subject
[Dirk's doing his reasonable thing, but it's also very sincere. He starts closest to home.]
The telling me specifically thing, you have a problem with that kind of thing related to various things that make sense with your history and personality. I get that now, and I'm happy to work with you on it. The problem wasn't that you had a problem, it was your reaction, which was to immediately shut me out, cut yourself off, and not even talk about it with me. I had to drag you out to a volcano to get an explanation as to why, or to learn that you didn't trust me in no small part because of how I brought it up to you.
That's pretty bad problem-solving. Same goes for the separate living thing. Part of what you did, in terms of claiming a safe space for yourself, was a pretty reasonable response, in my opinion. The part where you cut yourself off from others and didn't open up to them was unhelpful to you or us.
Does that make sense? It isn't the fact that you have a problem. Rather, what you do that's harmful, for yourself and for the rest of us, is solving your problems by cutting and running. It hurts us because we want you in our lives and you won't let us be there, and it hurts you because it perpetuates your habit of self-destruction. Everyone loses.