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monday evening
[ dave ends up watching the other secrets for one reason only: the more they know about one another, the easier it might be to guess who kills someone next. or to see who might have done it in a trial. not knowing about shit - like shelley's sister, or who kazuma really was - was one of their biggest weaknesses as a group.
that's what he tells himself, anyway. and it might even be half true. but some of it is definitely just wanting to take his mind off his own secret. dave barely ever acknowledges bro isn't less than amazing (as in, never) but he can't deny that even a teenage girl he'd never met before waking up in murder hell is a much better parent than bro.
he's not sure how to feel about everyone else who has shitty parent problems (why are there so many of them?) but there is one of the crap childhood ones that resonates with him.
so he stops avoiding everyone and chooses to go and find judar. while dave's poker face is firmly in place it's not perfect. he has a certain nervous energy he doesn't usually have, and his lips are twisted in a tiny frown. ]
Hey. Can we talk?
that's what he tells himself, anyway. and it might even be half true. but some of it is definitely just wanting to take his mind off his own secret. dave barely ever acknowledges bro isn't less than amazing (as in, never) but he can't deny that even a teenage girl he'd never met before waking up in murder hell is a much better parent than bro.
he's not sure how to feel about everyone else who has shitty parent problems (why are there so many of them?) but there is one of the crap childhood ones that resonates with him.
so he stops avoiding everyone and chooses to go and find judar. while dave's poker face is firmly in place it's not perfect. he has a certain nervous energy he doesn't usually have, and his lips are twisted in a tiny frown. ]
Hey. Can we talk?
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But then his brain catches up with his mouth and he gives Dave a baffled look.]
What are you talking about? [Not only had he not watched the secrets, but Dave always struck him as...well, as a normal kind of guy. A fun one to hang around with an absurd amount of tolerance for crazy shit, to be sure, but he'd never wondered if there was anything darker behind that.]
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You didn't watch other people's shit, I guess? [ specifically dave's shit. ]
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[Of course, he might have changed his tune if he'd thought far enough ahead to realize the secrets could come in handy in figuring out who to watch for...but eh, as far as he's concerned that list is 'everyone he doesn't like' anyway. And because it's Dave asking, he'll add on the other reason too.]
Plus I've had my head fucked with before. Not a fun trip for anyone. [Which is about the closest he'll get to admitting that he might have some minor principles in this area? At least when it comes to people he actually gives a shit about.]
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yeah, he knows the secrets might help in the long run. but also, he just had to know. ]
...This might be easier if you watch mine real quick.
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Huh. First time I think anyone on this ship's heard that.
[But he has to admit he's curious now, so he'll reach for his datapad and play it. His confused expression falls to something a lot more blank as the video progresses, all emotion draining from his face. Of course, the concept of raising children to be soldiers is nothing new to him; every direct member of the royal family is expected to able to fight, to command, to rule, to do their duty. As far as his twisted view of the world goes, the stronger you raise your child to be, the better.
And yet...maybe it's because he's known Dave for months now and never once considered he could have come from a background even remotely similar to his own. Maybe it's seeing the dispassionate way his brother's been treating him even as an infant, the lack of care - as much as he'd been manipulated and used as a weapon by them, even Judar has to admit his caretakers pampered him and tried to keep him as happy as possible in the meanwhile. Or maybe it's just a simple desperation to find someone to connect to so far from home, who he can delude himself into thinking might understand his rage and bitterness. Whatever it is, something unfamiliar twists in his chest as the video reaches its conclusion.
(Normal people would recognize this as that strange emotion called empathy, but he certainly has no idea what it is.)
Once it finishes, he looks back up at Dave.]
...puppet dicks, really? That explains a lot.
[hahaha what is talking about anything real]
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[ hahaha dave doesn't know either. but he does shift a little, a more relaxed stance, and he's...still not sure why he wanted to talk to judar except that he actually...gets it. what he saw. a little bit. there's at least someone else who was raised to be a weapon, even if the training was different and the end goals were probably polar opposites.
some of the people here also have shitty parents, but that particular thing doesn't seem to be shared elsewhere, that he knows of. ]
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You know...pfthahaha, I never thought I'd ever thank Al-Thamen for anything, but at least I can now say I'm grateful they never shoved puppet dongs into my face!
[In a way, it's a relief that Dave seems to be as reluctant to delve into actual deep discussion about this as he is. He's never liked talking about what Al-Thamen did to him to anyone, not even the one person back home who understood and shared his bitterness; it's too heavy, too real, and he's never been one to delve too hard into introspection and emotions when he can just avoid them instead.
But this? Being able to joke about it with someone like it's something completely normal, with no pity involved? It's not something he ever thought he needed, but he appreciates it now that he has it nonetheless.]
Hey, now I gotta ask. [He gestures at the datapad.] He actually raising you for a goal, or just to make you stronger?