Dave snorts and sets the bowl of popcorn between them so Karkat can reach it more easily. He did, after all, promise to share. "I mean, I guess it does save us the trouble of cleaning up any bodies we acquire, but this is another case of "that sounds nice but also it's fucked up" I think. Also I am pretty sure I would prefer my dead body never get into his hands." Which maybe being godtier will protect him a little there but also, can he ever be sure. Death is so much less appealing when it involves being bodysnatched by the resident vent juggalo and dismembered and put into jars.
Okay, morbid. Think other thoughts, Strider.
"So, are you ready for the movie? Or do you have to like, pre-game the movie somehow. Give me a whole spiel on the artistry that is about to occur, or bitch about the ships, or something?"
This setup is far better than having to reach over to grab popcorn from a bowl in Dave's lap, probably opening himself up to varying sick burns. Or just awkwardness - probably the latter, and one-hundred percent because Karkat is a tool that fails at everything he does. Raising his eyebrows, he shrugs slightly before getting settled in properly. "If you die, which I fucking doubt, I'll make sure he doesn't get ahold of your body." Like he's been able to keep him from getting the other bodies? Yeah. Anyway.
There's a pause where Karkat looks from the screen, back to Dave, back to the screen, opens his mouth and takes a breath, then grabs some popcorn and shoves it into his mouth, shaking his head. It's a struggle, a visible one, but all the same once he swallows, he speaks. "No. Start the movie."
He really, really wants to go into a rant but he'll save it for afterward.
"That's almost sweet." About not letting Gamzee get his body, Dave means, although he doubts Karkat could really do much about it. If anyone is going to keep his corpse out of other people's hands it will probably be Rose. If she isn't too drunk to protest, anyway. Actually, you know what, let's just put that thought in the list of thoughts not to think. Dave's never sure how the fuck to address the whole alcohol issue so he has just been Not, which is clearly a great coping method that will never come back to bite him in the ass ever. "You'll give me cavities, and then my teeth will fall out and I'll have to make dentures, because we don't actually have a dental plan here beyond "hey maybe avoid getting cavities". Actually, that is our plan for like all health issues? Yo maybe don't. I feel like this will probably be our inevitable downfall, but there are like ten other things that might also be that also. Ten million other things."
His usual quiet ramble continues even as he hits "play" on the movie, not calling Karkat on the really obvious refusal to rant. Dave has faith Karkat will blow a gasket eventually. He's more reliable than Old Faithful, especially now that Old Faithful no longer exists.
Karkat is not sweet. Karkat is loud and grumpy and the look he gives Dave after the first part of the ramble is withering at best. He's used to Dave going on like this, a quieter, easier to listen to version of Karkat's own rambling, and talking about teeth issues just makes him think about Sollux and his lips press into a thin line briefly before he shrugs. "More likely you'd be left gumming it." He waits for Dave to finish before he speaks, politely, though his volume as ever is unmodulated.
"If we die from regular health issues, I'd probably count us lucky." Out of any of the other things that could kill them... Karkat files it away like he did the thoughts of Sollux, trying to turn his attention properly to the movie. Maybe, maybe, if he stays distracted, he'll forget to rant.
(Who are we kidding, it's going to take him twenty minutes at most to explode.)
"What, you wouldn't try to make me dentures? Where is the love." Probably somewhere else entirely, but. Dave's response is flippant and doesn't really have to make sense in his opinion; a lot of the time he just talks for the sake of talking.
This does not change when he watches movies, and he keeps up a near-constant commentary that doesn't always have to do with the movie though it often does, which may or may not be helping with the explosion that is impending.
"...ever watch the series, because I used to stream it sometimes, I mean, oldschool recorded episodes...?"
"The love is nowhere," Karkat deflects, like it was a real question, protesting too much again because he can't get enough of it. Anyway: "I could make you proper teeth," he says finally, with a click of his own teeth for emphasis. "None of those stupid blunted nubs you call teeth." Wow, rude much? He's not smiling, but... is that a joke? Maybe? It's hard to tell with him.
Karkat is finally gearing up to rant, grumbling, "I don't understand the need for human films to keep shoehorning pale relationships into the flushed quadrant. Much less black leanings. It happens all the time, like they don't understand the need for a distinction when things don't work for flush--" he pauses though, squinting over at Dave like it's a trick question.
"No," he finally says slowly, almost like he's curious, "I've only watched the movie." If that doesn't sound like he needs to see it...
"We should marathon the series sometimes - but also, dude, you are once again missing the point of like. Monogamy or how our relationships work, at all? We don't do quadrants. Maybe Rose can, I mean, but she is into the xenobiologically dubious and indubious - is indubious a word? you know, just, whatever the opposite of dubious would be. Abdubious. Dubious-anti. But anyway, for the most part it's like. I don't know, I think a lot of your "pale relationship" bullshit just qualifies as actual friendship shit for us. So does some black stuff - don't correct me if I'm wrong because I've sat through too many lectures already, but some of that is callin' the other person on their shit, and that's like...a friend thing. You call your friends out when they need you to call them out. And you're there for them when they need you to be there for them. And probably gray shit too because you don't let them kill people or at least you help hide the body later." There are so many words. The words do not stop coming. "And that human friendship bullshit doesn't go away in a "flushed" relationship because it's all still there when you start datin' or whatever. Or it is in a stable relationship, I guess. It's not about, like, separating out your feelings for people in little boxes four ways and not letting overlap occur, which I seriously will never get. It's just, like. Caring about someone in too many ways to count?"
He's not really an expert. Dave sets about eating the peanut butter cup, divesting it of chocolate before eating the peanut buttery part.
"Also, what if I want troll dentures immediately even before I go toothless? I could like, go around biting people. Jaws theme song start."
"It's not that simple. Trolls have friendship too, it'd be stupid if we didn't. It's something more, different--sure, you call people out in friendship, but the rest of black relationships? If friends did that I'd be worried they were lying to themselves. And just because you pity someone it doesn't make the friendship go away? Without the friendship there's just animosity and then you're vacillating between flushed and black without proper flushed in the first place." Didn't you say you didn't want a lecture, Dave? Sorry, man. "Look, I know it's complicated when it's not what you're used to, but you just said all the feelings are based in friendship. Most of the quadrants are. Even in black, you have to find something admirable or else it's just platonic hate." He's picking up steam. "Rose understands it more than any other human I've spoken to but even she still needs to work on it. I'll never understand shoving all those feelings on one person. It's too much. As for pale... Gamzee didn't kill me not because we were friends, but because we were moirails. It's different? And compounded? I could go on." Please, no. Also: were moirails. He's a bit of a grumpy gus about that.
Troll dentures: "they're not dentures if you still have your teeth, idiot." A beat. "Aren't there things you put on top of your teeth? 'Grillz?'" With more finger quotes and an emphasis on the z. "Is that all you think we do with our teeth?" It's all they do with their teeth. (No.)
"Yes. Grillz are what we put on top of our teeth, in order to keep people out of our faces. You can bling them out, and they like, keep unwanted kissin' from occurring. Sometimes we also refer to them as braces, but that's somethin' only low-class humans do." How many wrong things does Karkat know about humans by now. Let's not speculate. "So you've seriously never felt all those feelings for one person? One person all the quadrants? And then just gone "nah it's fine I'm just vacillating" only the vacillation never happened?"
"Huh." Karkat knows so many wrong things about humans that it's kind of sad. Cease this mockery of helpfulness. Or don't, because it's hilarious. "I was going to ask how much unwanted kissing was happening for it to be necessary, then I remembered..." with a vague wave of his hand. Everyone kissing everyone being unwanted to YOU isn't the same as someone kissing you unwanted, Karkat.
"No," he finally says after a moment's thought, though he sounds a little protests-too-much all over again. "It just doesn't work that way. We're fundamentally different but that doesn't make the concept of putting one person in all quadrants at once any less stupid to me. Black and red can only work as vacillating because the violence inherent in black would be disturbing in a red romance. If someone were to feel all quadrants at once it means that some of them aren't deep enough to be real."
This is what happens when you're stuck on a meteor with only Dave Strider and Rose Lalonde to tell you about humanity. They cannot be trusted not to make shit up simply for the sake of making shit up. It is basically a hobby for the two of them for some godforsaken reason?? And Dave is trying to grasp the troll quadrant system (kind of) but he ends up just shrugging. "I don't think that's true? I man, maybe for y'all, but don't let yourself be alien racist about our "flushed" romances. It's...basically a bunch of different feelings that cluminate in "I really fuckin' love you", and that means a mix of all your bullshit and some of our own?"
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Okay, morbid. Think other thoughts, Strider.
"So, are you ready for the movie? Or do you have to like, pre-game the movie somehow. Give me a whole spiel on the artistry that is about to occur, or bitch about the ships, or something?"
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There's a pause where Karkat looks from the screen, back to Dave, back to the screen, opens his mouth and takes a breath, then grabs some popcorn and shoves it into his mouth, shaking his head. It's a struggle, a visible one, but all the same once he swallows, he speaks. "No. Start the movie."
He really, really wants to go into a rant but he'll save it for afterward.
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His usual quiet ramble continues even as he hits "play" on the movie, not calling Karkat on the really obvious refusal to rant. Dave has faith Karkat will blow a gasket eventually. He's more reliable than Old Faithful, especially now that Old Faithful no longer exists.
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"If we die from regular health issues, I'd probably count us lucky." Out of any of the other things that could kill them... Karkat files it away like he did the thoughts of Sollux, trying to turn his attention properly to the movie. Maybe, maybe, if he stays distracted, he'll forget to rant.
(Who are we kidding, it's going to take him twenty minutes at most to explode.)
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This does not change when he watches movies, and he keeps up a near-constant commentary that doesn't always have to do with the movie though it often does, which may or may not be helping with the explosion that is impending.
"...ever watch the series, because I used to stream it sometimes, I mean, oldschool recorded episodes...?"
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Karkat is finally gearing up to rant, grumbling, "I don't understand the need for human films to keep shoehorning pale relationships into the flushed quadrant. Much less black leanings. It happens all the time, like they don't understand the need for a distinction when things don't work for flush--" he pauses though, squinting over at Dave like it's a trick question.
"No," he finally says slowly, almost like he's curious, "I've only watched the movie." If that doesn't sound like he needs to see it...
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He's not really an expert. Dave sets about eating the peanut butter cup, divesting it of chocolate before eating the peanut buttery part.
"Also, what if I want troll dentures immediately even before I go toothless? I could like, go around biting people. Jaws theme song start."
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Troll dentures: "they're not dentures if you still have your teeth, idiot." A beat. "Aren't there things you put on top of your teeth? 'Grillz?'" With more finger quotes and an emphasis on the z. "Is that all you think we do with our teeth?" It's all they do with their teeth. (No.)
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"No," he finally says after a moment's thought, though he sounds a little protests-too-much all over again. "It just doesn't work that way. We're fundamentally different but that doesn't make the concept of putting one person in all quadrants at once any less stupid to me. Black and red can only work as vacillating because the violence inherent in black would be disturbing in a red romance. If someone were to feel all quadrants at once it means that some of them aren't deep enough to be real."
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