parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 1.0;

Dave listen i like you but this is gone on far enough and im very tired of this cockamamy bullshit so get your gubbins together and stop.
Avoiding.
Dirk.
Because heres a really fun fact??
The last time someone he loved avoided him he had this HUGE mental breakdown
that he hasnt really recovered from and okay
im spoiling this movie for you to tell you that person was me
and im trying really hard to stop that from happening again but you are making that!!
Really!!
Hard!!
And i love dirk a lot and id really like it if he and his bro could not be dunderheads??
Because this isnt a trainwreck oh no.
You see i watched this train careen off a cliff and surely i thought that was the end of that wreck.
But no.
The fucking train kept going after it exploded on the ground. It just became this flaming ball of metal and screaming.
The screaming are the passangers. They're mostly dead.
Actually by now theyre all dead but let me get there. Because see they were still alive at this point.
And then the train ball fell into a petrol station and that all exploded.
So now theyre dead.
There is barely a train!!
There is no trainwreck you have destroyed the meaning of the word.
Anyhoo.
So thats that. It got away from me because i was shooting fish but what i meant was something like um.
Oh right. Stop avoiding the issue. The issue is Dirk. Face him like a man or it will be up mine sunshine next time!
I mean it thats no idle threat!
Now excuse me while i comfort him again because someone is a jesus shitting mary fuck do you know how much comforting i have had to do because of you im a pro at it now though so i guess thanks for that.

yeah ok youre right this isnt helping
ill end it

[ by which he means since he obviously cannot offer more than an open house and locked room scenario it's time to call it quits entirely and possibly go live with p diddy and his alien frog army forever??? unfortunately it will be hard to fight dave when he is good at disappearing at the drop of a hat.

he can't talk about bro. he doesn't know how to fix anything. but he does at least realize every iteration of his relationship with dirk strider is fucked up, and dave's just decided "beyond repair" is the qualifier.

it's probable that bro ruined him for functional family relationship. rose lalonde is a miracle, but they were best friends first, after all. ]

[He is very rightfully suspicious of this text.]

Are you actually fixing it or just fuxking up more?
Because this is a very important strider distinction. The one between fucking up more and not fucking up more.
If its fucking up more i am punching you in the face.
I will not rest until the indent of my fist is spelled out in your face.

weve tried fixing it
its not a thing thats going to happen
sometimes people are just a little too broken to play happy families bro
im not saying dirk is one of those people
but what ive learned is that i am
i cant offer him the thing he wants here and we agreed it was ok but its clearly not
so ill be around maybe but ill probably be crashing with some friends of mine elsewhere
they appreciate my musical stylings so i dont think theyll mind a houseguest until were both used to being genetically related strangers

Okay.
Im gonna say this as nicely as i can but.
YOU.
ARE.
NOT.
THAT.
BAD.
Whoa. I forgot this translates yelling. Whoopsie.
Wait. No whoopsie! All purposefully shouting!
Im shouting! Just not as loudly as i was previously. That you guys can fix this and that you are being ignoramuses and that you will be fine.
You just need to work on it.
If something is worth having its worth fighting for. You are worth fighting for thats why dirk keeps trying and dirk is worth fighting for too.

i appreciate the effort but theres stuff you dont know about going on here
regardless of the fact he doesnt want to hang out with me i doubt hed actively spill things everywhere
probably
so yeah
i am that bad
anyway i gotta go meet up with rose so later

Dave strider you are the most prickly asshole i have ever met.
And someday I will punch you.
I am vowing that.

[Knowing this text is futile fills him with DETERMINATION.]

thats fine
you can shoot me if you want too
just do it before jade ever shows up if so
she has bad memories of guns plus me tho that aint her fault
but yeah im not coming back to the base so take care dude

subnautica ic inbox 1.0;

after the new trainwreck

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