[ and that's apparently all dave has to say to that, eyes still locked on his computer screen rather than john and mewpac. he probably intends to just sit up for the rest of the night at this rate, uneasy even in capitulation. ]
[This is pretty uncomfortable for a multitude of reasons so he doesn't say anything for a moment as he watches Dave through half-lidded eyes and lets Mewpac's tail wrap around his wrist. It's hard to tap into whatever Dave's thinking when he purposefully blocks and instead of pushing, for now he resigns.
He got Dave to agree which is a big step. On the other hand, it's also something that's probably not easy.]
Okay. [And then there's a beat.] Don't stay up too late? [He doesn't know how to phrase it as "come back to bed" without it seeming strange and overcompensating, but he's also not moving to his own bed either.] Mewpac stays up forever when you're up.
[ he's being weird, dave's aware he's being weird. he thinks by the morning he'll be fine to joke around and pretend he's normal and not dreading sunday. he only has to put up with whatever meeting they do, sick to his stomach probably and listening to the sharing he's been deadset against for almost a year. probably they'll echo off of one another, some of it mundane, maybe some of it not, and he'll get to sit there and watch it happen. it's not a thing he wants to do, but it's a thing he's going to do, so there's no point in bothering to allow john any of that information when it's pretty damn irrelevant.
the has to be some other dave who ended up being better at all of this than him. but dave knows at least that he's not so terrible an actor he won't have it together by the time the sun comes up, a little distant and more closed off but the cracks papered over. it's a comforting thought, and he imagines yuri would yell at him for thinking it. he thinks about yuri most when yuri would be upset with him; that's probably stupid.
but john says something else and dave glances over. ]
...Yeah, sure. I'll go to bed when I'm tired. [ knowing full well he won't get tired when he's obsessing over something that feels like a mundane sort of resigned doom (and that's stupid, and he knows it's stupid, and he hates himself for that), but waiting for john to shift locations first, assuming it'll happen sooner rather than later. then the plan is, what? stare at the ceiling in bed until morning?
if john doesn't move he'll eventually shut down his laptop anyway and perch on the very edge of the bed rather than pressed up against john or the wall as he usually does, but he won't ask or tell john to move. ]
[Yeah he’s fully aware the situation is fucked up and that there’s a lot that isn’t being said but he can’t push and he doesn’t even know where to begin. Dave agreed and he almost feels bad, but this has to be the right thing to do, right? Still...it’s a hard balance. Dave stays awake and John lays in his bed playing with the cat and eventually finds himself keeping his eyes closed and falling asleep. He feels the bed dip when Dave finally joins him, but he also notices the distance between them.
Part of him thinks he should just leave Dave alone, but he also doesn’t want the walls to go back up. Not when they’ve made progress. So okay. Dave doesn’t move closer or anything but John shifts, loosely draping an ankle over one of Dave’s and letting his fist twine into the fabric of Dave’s shirt just as loosely. That’ll have to do, hopefully. At least until this can be fixed someday.]
[ dave tenses for a second before he forces himself to relax, choosing to give way. he doesn’t move away and he doesn’t move closer, but he lies there awake until he can reasonably go off to class or work and doesn’t bring sunday up again in any capacity. by the end of the second he’ll proceed like he had done, probably weirdly quiet around bedtime to see what john does every night but simply falling into step with whatever the hell after, not visibly tense. so it’s fine and whatever walls go up, dave will do his best to make the distance imperceptible or die trying, but yeah. ]
[Then yeah I guess Dave gets to deal with John keeping a grip on his shirt all night but he doesn’t bring it up. He brings nothing about Sunday up again and he finds himself falling into the pattern of either crashing in Dave’s bed himself or coercing Dave to crash into his. It’s fine. Nothing about this is awful or weird but here we are. Good luck kids, you will need it. ]
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[ and that's apparently all dave has to say to that, eyes still locked on his computer screen rather than john and mewpac. he probably intends to just sit up for the rest of the night at this rate, uneasy even in capitulation. ]
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He got Dave to agree which is a big step. On the other hand, it's also something that's probably not easy.]
Okay. [And then there's a beat.] Don't stay up too late? [He doesn't know how to phrase it as "come back to bed" without it seeming strange and overcompensating, but he's also not moving to his own bed either.] Mewpac stays up forever when you're up.
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the has to be some other dave who ended up being better at all of this than him. but dave knows at least that he's not so terrible an actor he won't have it together by the time the sun comes up, a little distant and more closed off but the cracks papered over. it's a comforting thought, and he imagines yuri would yell at him for thinking it. he thinks about yuri most when yuri would be upset with him; that's probably stupid.
but john says something else and dave glances over. ]
...Yeah, sure. I'll go to bed when I'm tired. [ knowing full well he won't get tired when he's obsessing over something that feels like a mundane sort of resigned doom (and that's stupid, and he knows it's stupid, and he hates himself for that), but waiting for john to shift locations first, assuming it'll happen sooner rather than later. then the plan is, what? stare at the ceiling in bed until morning?
if john doesn't move he'll eventually shut down his laptop anyway and perch on the very edge of the bed rather than pressed up against john or the wall as he usually does, but he won't ask or tell john to move. ]
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Part of him thinks he should just leave Dave alone, but he also doesn’t want the walls to go back up. Not when they’ve made progress. So okay. Dave doesn’t move closer or anything but John shifts, loosely draping an ankle over one of Dave’s and letting his fist twine into the fabric of Dave’s shirt just as loosely. That’ll have to do, hopefully. At least until this can be fixed someday.]
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