No. [ not...exactly? dave does worry that this is going to come down to being fair at some point because probably he should tell people what he's afraid of. but there are dark thorny vines growing around the space in his chest where he's pretty sure his heart is, and creeping up his throat to choke off his words. play it cool says his own voice in scattered memories in what used to be the sanctity of his own mind. don't let anyone know says the same voice and he knows that voice is right even though he'd told dirk i'm scared of changing and a million other things.

he'd been scared because he'd known it was happening, bit by bit. there are secrets waiting around the corner and he won't want to share them. already he doesn't want to share the idea of them. ]

But I want you to have the option. Because you didn't sign up for - this. Whatever this is. Uh. I mean - the things that - hm. I don't...I'm not sure about things - not us, I'm sure about that, just about - I don't know how much I got right or wrong. But it's - I can't -

[ he has no idea how to explain this and he kind of just hopes she gets the general idea of can't. it's overlaid with quiet muted dread and terror and dave starts to pull back a little, running a hand through his hair. ]

This isn't helpin'. Sorry. What point did your memory start at?