[ he moves his hands off the ledge and they go to his lap, palm-up. there's the scar on the right palm, and he traces it with his left index finger. ]
I mean you missed things. I mean when I wanted to talk about college options I eventually texted you, but you weren't around so before I ever did that I talked to Rose and Roxy because they were. I mean there were a million times I had nightmares and I didn't call, because you weren't there. I mean that the day I woke up and I'd lost a bunch of weight, I went to Roxy's room and knocked on the door and talked to her for a little, even if I didn't tell her a damned thing that mattered. I mean there's a million thoughts or opinions or conversations I didn't have with you because you weren't around, and so I had them with other people, or I didn't have them at all. I mean there were a thousand mundane things I would've gone to you with first, but I went somewhere else instead because it wasn't like I could just walk into our room or whatever and tell you whatever it was. I mean you're never gonna be the first to know most of the bullshit that happens to me nowadays because you're not the first line of defense, and other people will notice or see or be around for it first.
[ so, to sum up: ]
You missed things. So I find it kinda hard to buy you want all of me or whatever. And when I said it was normal to not have people entirely, this is the kinda thing I meant. You can't be around for someone all the time. It's an impossibility, and everyone is always giving up pieces of other people.
no subject
[ he moves his hands off the ledge and they go to his lap, palm-up. there's the scar on the right palm, and he traces it with his left index finger. ]
I mean you missed things. I mean when I wanted to talk about college options I eventually texted you, but you weren't around so before I ever did that I talked to Rose and Roxy because they were. I mean there were a million times I had nightmares and I didn't call, because you weren't there. I mean that the day I woke up and I'd lost a bunch of weight, I went to Roxy's room and knocked on the door and talked to her for a little, even if I didn't tell her a damned thing that mattered. I mean there's a million thoughts or opinions or conversations I didn't have with you because you weren't around, and so I had them with other people, or I didn't have them at all. I mean there were a thousand mundane things I would've gone to you with first, but I went somewhere else instead because it wasn't like I could just walk into our room or whatever and tell you whatever it was. I mean you're never gonna be the first to know most of the bullshit that happens to me nowadays because you're not the first line of defense, and other people will notice or see or be around for it first.
[ so, to sum up: ]
You missed things. So I find it kinda hard to buy you want all of me or whatever. And when I said it was normal to not have people entirely, this is the kinda thing I meant. You can't be around for someone all the time. It's an impossibility, and everyone is always giving up pieces of other people.